Mortal Mist

                 Welcome, I'm new (to the mist - I've put work into this dream thing) and I only plan on recording interesting lucid dreams here as I kind of like my handwritten journal for the rest. I had this first one about a week after joining this site and it blew me away.  It felt like hours.  I would LOVE feedback. I'll introduce myself in the forums too. cheers


                THE LONGEST CRAZIEST LUCID DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD
    
     Lucidity - 4/5     Clarity 2/5 to 5/5 at various points
 
              non-lucid        lucid
         
               I have marked with asterisks the part where a lot of very interesting things start happening, the things I really want to share.

                                  AND HERE IT IS

       I am in a country field. My wife, L, has driven me to an old tree I want to climb in an ATV. Its a sunny day. L drives me up the trunk of the tree (which is slanted). This seems wrong, but I get out and cling to the trunk. I get scared since I'm high up and there are no limbs to hold. I want to climb down but I have to wait until L backs off. Once she's down, I start to shimmy down. Seeing I want to come down, L cuts the tree down with a chainsaw. I jump off at the last moment. I'm OK but I am furious with her as her actions strike me as dangerous and destructive. I walk away and come to peace with my emotions, realizing that I myself had a role in the creation of this crazy situation (wanting a ride to the tree, not wanting to be up where i thought I wanted to be, ect.) L fades from the dream as I walk away.
       I realize I'm in the country to visit my friend R. And a young woman who is his neighbor walks with me to show me to R's house. We go through marshy fields and woods. There are frogs everywhere. some get into my pant legs, one clings to my hand. They're starting to creep me out. Then we get to a canal and dive in.
     The clarity of the dream increases greatly. We swim effortlessly and the feeling is very joyful and pure. This goes on for a while before we emerge in a basement tunnel type place. Some of the creepiness returns as we pass large piles of fleas and filth. Eventually we arrive at R's house, which is also sort of a trailer. R and a friend are in the yard in lawn chairs and we just sit and talk.
              At this point I start to wake up.  With my eyes still closed, I begin visualizing the scene. It comes in!!!!  (This is the first time this has worked for me - wild). I am back hanging out with R and his unknown friend, only now I am fully lucid!!  In fact, I feel too awake for this dream to continue. However, as I sit and hang out my presence becomes more and more stable. I walk into the trailer, where this wonderful, soulful acoustic guitar music plays on the stereo. It sounds kind of Bob Dylan/ Leonard Cohen-esque. I tell R and friend how I wish we had this in my waking world. Just for fun, i float out of the trailer in a reclined position, which I find easiest. I try to float through the closed door as an experiment. I do, but then see that it was just a ripped screen door anyway. The others have no real reaction to my floating, as if its no big deal that I am from another reality. Another song plays and I am sure I recognize the song and that its by the band "Air". I go back in to look at the album cover. Others are inside now and we start playing music. I play something like a Dobro guitar that has percussive suction cup things on the back, which I hit. I play well, the other players and i don't quite meld. I walk away.
           I walk around what is now a real party. The scene degenerates into something I will not describe due to its adult content.    After this ends,
************************    AND HERE IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING    ****************  , I notice an upright piano against the wall. The back of the piano opens and a magical dream woman floats out of the back of the piano. She is some sort of representative from the dream realm and has come to tell us that we look strange and nonsensical when we engage in the aforementioned adult activity. I ask " Is it because we lose ourselves and get so unfocused?'' She says "No, your actually very focused, its almost like meditation." The back of the piano opens into 10 or so tiny doors and she starts to become gaseous and floats back into the piano backwards. "Wait", I stop her. "Are you always in the piano?", I ask, wondering if I can find her in pianos in future dreams. She simply says "No" and dissappears through the tiny doors.
       I walk into an empty side room.  I decide to transport myself to a completely different dream scene. I announce "take me to the ocean" to the dream itself. Nothing happens, so I keep my intent focused and then notice a map on the wall. I move towards the ocean part of the map. I go through the map and into another similar looking room. At this point I am bodiless, a floating point of awareness.  This other room has a picture of an ocean in an open book, so I float into that. I go through four or five rooms like this, moving into representations of the ocean, until I find myself in a room that has a different kind of feel. The time of day has also changed. Its dusk. I walk through this new house and out onto a porch. I look down and see a crystal clear view of a large rocky drop down to the wavy sea ( at this point, the view is at least as clear as in waking life).
            I notice four or five ominous looking beasts - kind of like reddish black centaur dogs - roaming the beach below. I descend and approach the beasts with little fear, as my lucidity is still too strong to allow me to be very afraid. As I get closer, they become more and more dog like until they are a pack of actual dogs. Large dogs. I see my dogs among them (I have 3 small dogs in waking life), and begin to worry about they're safety. Another dog owner is there trying to control some of the dogs as the pack is unruly and dangerous. I start to try to command some of the dogs to protect my own, but quickly relax, as I remain aware that this is a dream. I approach the scariest dog and ask "what do you represent?"  "Nothing.", he replies. I ask small, defenseless beagle the same question. I don't recall his exact reply but I have a long conversation with him. His eyes become very human, even more feeling than human. I touch his cheek and wee calmly communicate in the middle of the still hyper dog pack. The dogs and myself have moved into the water and we get swept downshore until were out of the ocean and into a canal, which washes us to the entrance of a concrete structure that diverts the water underground.
            We stop at this entrance as 5 - 6 people emerge from it. My attention shifts to them and the dogs fade out. The people's eyes are completely lit up and they appear extremely conected to one another, to such a degree that I have rarely and very fleetingly experienced in waking life (in pyschedelic or emotional peak experiences). These people, however, have not used any drugs, they just live in this ecstatic connectedness. The are sweaty and smiling almost dancing. They wear silver tankards on they're heads but it doesn't come off as silly, just a kind of festive adornment that gives a sort of renaissance feel to them. Another woman comes out of the entrance to join them, complete with tankard hat and says "Hi Greg" to me even though we have not met. "Hi Janel", I reply, hesitating at the name a bit, as though I'm just remembering. I'm accepted by this bunch although I do not share all of their amazing, enlightened energy. I kind of feel like the new guy; the novice among adepts.
        Janel says, "You're always going to be interested in your life because you've had an interesting life" (You have to know me to understand the meaning of this statement; suffice to say it was a very compassionate thing to say). Having heard this message, I continue into the tunnel. The tunnel becomes the interior rooms of a house, then another house, then another, like I'm walking through various dream houses to arrive at the next dream scene. I smoke a cigarette as I walk, like this is a little "dream break". Finally, I emerge from the last house onto a suburban type front yard.
             A tiny (3 ft. tall), older black man with a short but full beard and a very gentle demeaner approaches me. "What do you represent?" I ask. "
            "Nothing, I just heard you like to go on adventures, like hiking the Appalaichain trail and stuff so I wanted to hang out with you."
             I now feel some pressure to do something adventurous but nothing really comes to mind, so as a default I suggest "how about flying into space with me" I try to ascend. I go up but its very slow and arduous. The little man floats beside me and starts giving me lessons. He moves his body in a dolphin - like way, and breaths at strategic intervals. It seems that though I am the adventurer, he is more highly skilled in this world. I imitate him and the flying gets easier, but its still very slow. We go up until we're even with the top of a nearby tree, then he steps onto another suburban looking lawn. It seems that we pretty much just floated to the top of a 50 foot cliff that I was not aware of. The little man laughs good naturedly, dismissing our failure to get to space and says "c'mon man, lets go play basketball"
             We walk across the lawn to the driveway of a small, white house, where a friend of his is shooting baskets in a hoop that is attached to the roof of the garage. I take a shot which misses, but then takes a bounce and goes through some concentric rings which seem to have materialized. Suddenly a very angry, loud, matronly female voice bellows from the side door of the house. The little man's friend enters and loud arguing can be heard, like the worst kind of domestic situation is taking place. I start to walk away but then remember that I am safe in my dream, and that this loud voice probably means something very important to me.  I enter the house and see that the voice came from a heavy set, stern looking mulatto woman in an apron who is cooking a large meal. The yelling is dying down and I approach her as calmly and compassionately as I can.
             "Thank you for being a part of me, what do you mean?" I ask.
             "I can't tell you, but you just try to relax and be more open with people." she answers, having completely calmed upon my approach.
    She gives me some bread with butter and I walk out the way I came in, as others are gathering around the kitchen table for a meal. As I walk from the house, I see all of the characters that have been in this dream up until now walking the opposite direction in a kind of procession, towards this mysterious woman's kitchen. Towards the end of the line is the little black man. I stop him, having just remembered an interesting dream experiment I'd been thinking of lately.
            "I've got an adventure for you", I say, "Let's get into the mind of an autistic child" (I work with autistic kids in waking life, and have had the idea of exploring their perspective in a dream). We walk away together and soon come to a black pond. We stop. I look up at the sky, then down into the water. "Do we go up or down?" I ask. "We're going down." he says. I jump in and start sinking in the black water. "You don't want to go too far down" he says, and this is the last I hear of him.
            
******* I make no claim in what follows to have actually had a  transpersonal experience or any real experience of autism. I have spent a lot of time with autistic people and have read about them and could be projecting the information I have gained into experience. I can't say. *******************

        I sink until all is black. Then very pleasing fractal like patterns of color to emerge just before a completely different scene emerges in bright light. I am sitting on a wooden staircase in a large house. A small grey dog comes towards me.  Another small dog is in back of it. The light is natural daylight coming in through large windows but its so bright its overwhelming. also, I see the whole scene at once. I'm looking right at the dog but don't really focus on it visually any more than I focus on the background, which is this large bright house with white walls and lots of light wood on the floors, cabinets, railings, etc. Then a third, larger dog barks from somewhere I can't see. Its very loud and scary. I have no sense of echo location so I keep looking at the small dog in front of me even though I sort of know that the sound comes from elsewhere. It doesn't make sense to me. I then see a little of the larger dog, a german shepard, in an upstairs room, but everything still doesn't quite make sense, and I continue to look mostly at the small dog. Then the german shepard comes closer and I get very scared. The dogs are overwhelming and i couldn't even tell you how many dogs there are. Just that they're everywhere and I'm terrified. There is so much light its kind of like a kaleidescope, kaliedescope with dogs. Then I realize there is has been a continuous background noise and that that noise is someone talking to me. It is an aide in the kitchen who is there to help care for me. I look at her. It seems like a dime sized point on her forehead is in extreme focus and other than that the scene is all very bright and uniform. Kind of flat. Next to her is my mother. Once I'm focused on the aide I kind of forget about the dogs, who are now quiet, and I can understand what she says. She gives me some simple directive, to come over there or to pick something up or something, I forget. Then she starts talking to my mother about me. Now that I am paying attention, it seems very hurtful that they talk about me like I'm not there. It makes me very sad and lonely. I start to cry very hard as a way to assert my presence, and also because of the real emotional pain. It works and they start paying attention to me. When I see I have their attention again, the pain is relieved and I start laughing hysterically, in the midst of my crying. I go back to crying.
                                                       I wake up.
            
  

Lucidity 3/5         clarity 3/5


I can't recall the exact specifics but I remember being self aware at the very beginning of this dream. Nothing is really around, maybe nothing has had time to rise from the depths
    
     Any how, I look at my hands (I don't really use my hands in dreams or RCs like some do, but I am planning on making myself a ring to remind me to do RCs during the day. I think this plays into my actions here).  I've got a string tied around my finger.  I don't suspect that I'm dreaming, but just to see, I try to multiply the string, duplicating it on the next finger. It takes a second but then the string kind of goes fuzzy and when it reappears, there's one on the next finger too.  This is a dream, I realize and I start off lucid.
         My dream is still very empty, though now at least I'm in a house. An empty, grayish house. I must admit, I'm usually much more energized about gaining lucidity.   I ask the dream for a girl (which is itself a sign that I could be much more alive, creative, and lucid than what I am).  I walk through the house to a plain looking double bedroom, and there's the girl - dark haired, fairly attractive. We start making out but it feels messed up for some reason. She somehow starts to act like this is forced, so I say "we should stop", get up and start to walk away, She says she wants me to stay, but I don't even feel like she know what she wants and she's starting to morph into something a little scary and hungry looking. As I start to walk out of the room, a cabinet in the room opens and some scary miniature grandma doll type thing pops out like a jack in the box, then goes back in. Its completely freaky. I feel very afraid but that quickly dissipates as I remember that this is a dream, and then I become curious as to what this thing means so I go back, open the cabinet. Now its no longer an old woman but a miniature doll/man with a baseball hat and glasses. There's something very nerdy about him. "
            "What do you mean?'", I ask.  He says "Nothing.  I just like to hide and watch things happen instead of living them"
            I immediately recognize what the part of myself that this disturbing little guy came from. I absorb the lesson, though its kind of a bitter pill to swallow and move on.
      I leave the house and see that I'm on a golf course. The sand traps have been made into black and white images of famous people, like presidents, in honor of some kind of tournament that is happening. I approach the first hole, which includes a pond you have to hit over. I go to tee off with this guy J who I work with, but we only have one ball. I remember that I can split things now so I focus on the ball until it divides into two. The only problem is that the two balls are small, misshapen, and too soft. (Though lucid enough, my intent and power in this dream seem to be very weak). J hits his ball and it goes about ten feet because its such a bad ball. i hit, but control the ball in the air, making it land by the green. Then I have it bounce weirdly and high (as I write this, I am laughing aloud at how tiny and limited my use of lucidity is in this dream).
          I forget about playing golf. I walk across the pond, which doesn't feel as cool as it sounds like it should. I keep walking. Then there is a group of us just walking across the golf course. I split some of the people, making them into pairs of identical people, but they are kind of hazy and in the distance. We don't interact.
         The dream fades. Towards the end, I see that we are walking into another country, like this golf course is connected to an adjoining golf course in Mexico or something.
      

                                           Still Life with Empty Town and Wizard                    lucid         non-lucid


      Lucidity 4/5       Clarity 3/5


       Techniques: WBTB for 30 minutes after 6 hours sleep, during which I read my dream journal, focussed intent with MILD techniques, and smoked a cigarette


                        I'm walking my dogs on a street that I don't recognize, though it looks like the streets around my house.  I come to an area where the streets are sandy paths and the houses are quaint little shanties. No one in sight. Daytime. The place has a storybook type feel.  I realize that there is nowhere like this where I regularly walk my dogs (especially with the storybook feel) and ************** I realize I'm dreaming ****************   I confirm this by floating joyously into the air a few feet.


              I see no DCs and nothing really stands out so I decide to fly around. I get off the ground very easily but seemed to be blocked from flying out over the town. Up, down, no problem. Sideways - not happening. I even try a few different styles - the "superman", the "swim", floating feet first in a position like the one I'm probably sleeping in (which often works for me and I also like it because its freaky looking). I decide to walk.

              I get to the center of town, which has a large empty park.  Senior citizens walk around in pairs, but they all remain far away from me, and almost ghost-like, like they're in the last stages of a nursing home stay.  I see two giant thugs (about 20 feet tall) approaching in jeans and heavy jackets.  They are all disjointed and out of proportion (small legs, huge torsos, misshapen heads). I approach them to see what they have to say, as this is the dreams first real action. At this point I wake up.

               I don't open my eyes and start imagining the dream, trying to get back. The dream reemerges, but the thugs are gone.
               I start to think that I'm gonna have to make something happen here, so I ask aloud for the dream to send me a wizard. I don't remember ever thinking about this while awake, but thats what I came up with. I immediately see that I am standing before a rickety, tower like wooden house - clearly a wizard's. I go in and up a few levels. Each level is more like a single room or deck, with open views of the outside.  Some are partitioned; all are crowded with wooden boxes, shelves, various things.  I meet the wizard, who is an old woman with short, curly, white hair and a strange redness that outlines her eyes. She doesn't look to interested in me, almost like she knew I just conjured her for no good reason. Likewise, I'm not that interested in her, and I haven't given any thought as to what to actually do with a wizard. We come to some simple agreement that I can stay there for a while in exchange for doing some menial labor around the house. I start working - digging in a barrel of sand or something, when some other guy, also working for the wizard starts talking to me.  I soon realize who this is.

             Its me! An older me, maybe 20 years down the line. He seems somewhat content, but a little bored, maybe slightly bitter. I intuitively perceive that he has spent his life working, getting by, not taking many risks, getting to this position with this wizard and kind of settling into it because it suits him well enough, never figuring out exactly what he wants to do. I forget what we actually talked about, but it was just the small talk of fellow laborers. He knew who I was too, and we seemed to be at about the same level of mental clarity.
        
          I could do worse than to become this guy, but I could definitely do better. - thanks for the warning future dream self.

          I decide I've absorbed this portion of the dream and move on.  The wizard woman says goodbye as though I will be missed. It seems that though I've only been here a few minutes, in this dream world it has been a few days, and during this time I've become a part of the place.

            I walk by a small cubbyhole in the wall, which seems as good an exit as any. I stick my head in. My body won't fit but thats fine. I try to just leave it behind. I feel stuck at first, but sure enough, the dreamscape changes.  I find myself in an underground tunnel.  There are a few strange objects on the floor, like statues of children's dolls or something. Before I can look closer, I wake up again.

           I try getting back to the dream. I fall asleep again and have unrelated, non-lucid dreams

      
           Dark lucid fragment  -  I become lucid in a very dark undefined dreamspace. Its a city, though its far darker than any city would be at night. Its barely there, even the sky has no real form to it.  I'm moving quickly, maybe flying. It seems lifeless and I have practically nothing to relate to. Thats the last thing I remember.


           Snooze alarm lucid - my snooze alarm is a dream sign.  when I sleep through it, I can always hear it in my dream.  I hear the alarm clock and almost wake up, but instead become lucid, aware of the my bed and the alarm clock but not awake.
          
            The sound is very loud. I am not really "in" a dream, but its more like I am seeing images (what's a word for that?).  I am watching two newscasters - not on a screen because the images is too large - against a black background.  Every second or so, when the alarm beeps the image switches from one newscaster to the other. Both are middle aged men. One is Indian, the other is Chinese.  They each speak in a jarring, frenzied, sort of scary way, kind of like if someone in real life began moving in super fast motion.  They talk and move too fast to be comprehensible. The fact that their images are blipping back and forth every second adds to the unsettling feel.

non - lucid         lucid


                                                                          DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
           lucidity - ?/5  
           clarity 2/5


         I come to (at the onset of dreaming, I think) in a very dark bar.  The bar is completely empty - not even a bartender - though I don't feel like I'm trespassing. I feel I have come here directly from work and worry a little about whether my wife knows where I am. I sit alone at a small table in front of my computer.  On the computer is some kind of guide to WILD dream entry.  There are no specific techniques mentioned, but for some reason sitting in front of this computer and dozing off is supposed to induce WILD dreams. The only thing I remember on the screen is a space where I am to describe any lucid experiences I have after 5 attempts.  I try to drift off once with no success, then I get up to use the bathroom.  The bathroom is a dark, stone, dungeon like room in the back with an old fashioned toilet. After I go, i look up and find that I am no longer at the bar, but on the weedy shore of a pond or lake.

            I become lucid, thinking that the WILD dream entry thing from the previous scene had worked.  I retain some awareness of still being in my body, but the body I am aware of is the one sitting in the bar in the previous dream.
                              
                                           So I dreamed that I dreamed, but was only aware that I dreamed: Was i lucid?
        
             My first thought is that I'm glad i will have something to write down in the space provided on the computer.  The scene, similar to the last, is very dark and empty.  After a moment I see two or three long haired stragglers silently making their way along a path. One of them eats mushrooms out of a plastic bag while walking. I naturally follow in that direction.  i come to a small bridge that spans a creek.  The path continues on the other side, turning in front of a large grassy field. The place feels very significant to me, and I have the impression that my brother and I enjoyed some great times in this field (upon conscious reflection, this field, stream, and bridge closely resemble a place at college, where my brother and I did in fact have some amazing experiences, some involving snacks similar to the straggler's)).  As I approach the bridge, I see a few people with their dogs coming across towards me. in the stream more dogs play, like this is some known dog play area. In the water, I notice a beagle I had an emotional conversation with in a previous lucid dream (the first one documented in this journal).  I stop because of the traffic coming towards me on the bridge. When I stop, the dream fades along with my lucidity, but my brother kind of hitchhikes into the next dream.

         I find myself in an old house (again, very dark).  I may still be slightly lucid, I forget.  There is a party going on and my brother is in there.  Although its a party, it feels fairly joyless. I feel something like dejavu - like I have rehearsed this exact party in the past. When everyone breaks out into a group congo line type dance, I seek out my brother, because I know that we are approaching a point where the steps change and I want to help him change on cue.  When it comes, I exaggerate the steps as an example to him and others. No one really catches on, including my brother, but the dancing continues and its not a big deal.

        False awakening - I am in bed with my with wife but we are in an isolated cabin. Yet again its very dark.  I go outside to use the bathroom. Once out, everything is so dark that I can barely see a faint glow from the house.  I feel very shaky, alone, and afraid, like I have now internalized the darkness of these dreams.

        Another false awakening - this time I'm in my actual bed.  Apparantly I was shaking in my sleep, for my wife comes over to my side of the bed and is very worried, freaked out even.  I struggle to make simple words, or communicate at all (the sleep paralysis feeling).  I finally manage to say "I had a bad dream" to try to make her feel better.  She is standing up, but is completely wrapped in a blanket with just her face showing.  For some reason, this makes the experience even more unsettling.  
       I actually wake up, and actually use the bathroom (I clearly had to go in waking reality).

                                                      
                                                                          FLIGHT TEST

                  lucidity 4/5  clarity 4/5

       I fall asleep again, and again become lucid (right from the start I think).
       I am flying backwards very fast and high.  I feel as though I am being propelled by something as i am moving faster and with less effort than i can accomplish by my own efforts. Also I'm not sure i could turn when i want.  I fly over sandy mountains dotted with scrub brush like some I've seen in Utah. They are clear, but simplified.  I decide to see if i can control this flight. I pull upwards, I start to slow down, like I've come out of a kind of current. I'm now much higher even than i was. I succeed in moving forward.  i can now see a piece of the ocean, the horizon, and some distant clouds, though I still feel slightly limited, like things aren't quite wide open.  
       i get the feeling that I'm about to wake up and I decide to ask the dream for something before i go. "Show me my wound", I say (I've tried to ask this before and have had it in mind for a while....  its a long story).  Immediately, I start falling. I am still very lucid and fairly unafraid.  i get the feeling that I am to accept the feeling of falling as much as I can, as an exercise in letting go. I gain momentum and a strong palpable force builds it my body.  It starts to become euphoric.
I wake up.




        

                                                          "THE FUGITIVE" or  "GUIDED DREAM TRAINING"                       Lucidity 3/5
                                                                                                                                           Clarity 3/5


lucid        
 non-lucid
The part where I transform into a squirrel
Consciousness transferral
                                                    
            I'm in a house hanging out with three coworkers (actual WL coworkers - 2 males, 1 female). Its one of their houses I guess.  I don't feel too close to them, we sort of sit around, and I wish we were interacting more meaningfully, like we're missing out, or at least I'm missing out. Someone brings out some weed like we might smoke, but we don't.
          
            I walk around outside for some reason I don't recall, then I can't find my way back to the house.  Its daytime.  I'm in a cemetery on top of a hill that overlooks town. I know the house is at the end of a windy driveway that wraps around and above the cemetery, but I still can't find it.  I come to a house with a similar driveway, but the house is a different one. This one is all dilapidated, seemingly made out of scraps from other houses. I turn around. Now I have a good view down the hill and over the town. For some reason, I tend to notice the different feel of such open views in dreams, and, as sometimes happens, this triggers lucidity. I realize I'm dreaming with no further RCs.

            4 or 5 police officers immediately appear above me on the hill and start chasing me.  I react and run (with more lucidity, I may not have).  I am barreling through suburban type yards as I make my way down the hill, slowed down by various fences, hedges and the like. The police seem to remain right on my tail.  This goes on for what seems like a long time, and I run faster and faster, barreling through obstacles.  Finally I am blocked by a wall of intertwined trees that form the border of one of the yards. I climb into them, then feel limited in my movement and clumsy. I don't think to fly, but I figure I should be able to transform into a squirrel.  I'm wary at first and not much seems to change. I realize I have to commit, and the perfect way to do so instantly occurs to me.  I descend the trunk of a tree head first, as a squirrel would.  I don't look at my body, and I'm not sure I'm 100% squirrel, but I can move like one, and that was my immediate goal. I make a few squirrel like jumps until I'm through the trees and on the ground. I make no effort to turn back human, but I just seem to change without thought as the situation dictates.

            The police are still closing in (I had temporarily forgotten this as a squirrel), and i resume running.  After the squirrel thing, other dream exercises I have thought of come to mind, and I decide to split into two people. Immediately, someone else is running with me. My consciousness, however, remains in my original body. I try to complete my goal fully, and get into both bodies. I begin to get a sense of the other person, like I am bodily aware of his movements and breathing, but the complete doubling of conscious perspective eludes me.

            The chase quickly gets faster and faster until we get to a wall and a confrontation with the police seems inevitable. I'm lucid enough to be unafraid.  The police catch up and they're not that imposing. Still thinking of dream exercises, I decide to simply become one of the cops, instead of the fugitive.  This works with very little effort, and I find myself facing the fugitive from the cop's perspective. Interestingly, the fugitive looks nothing like me.  He's platinum blond and looks about 18 (I'm 33 with brown hair).  I have no sense that it is me, at least not anymore.

            The action kind of stops here, no arrest or conflict. As we stand around I see the female coworker from the initial dream watching us from the woods. She shows up in my dreams and I have been meaning to ask what she represents.  She seems to have shown up here for this reason, so I ask loudly (she is kind of far away) "What do you represent?".  Her reply is very blunt and sexual. In fact it seems crafted such that it can be taken no other way.    The last thing I remember is standing there, a bit taken aback by her frankness.

        Later, in a non-lucid, I am watching a story on TV about Tabitha from "Tabitha's Salon Takeover" running from the police, downhill through yards. I have the impression that her run is what I experienced, from her perspective.  Come to think of it, the platinum blond guy who appeared after I became the cop had Tabitha's hair
  
            





 

          THE IMMOVABLE MAN

lucidity - 2/5                Clarity - regular dream blurriness


           Well I probably would not have become lucid in this blurry, heavy dream if it wasn't for a clear dream sign.  turns out the lucidity wasn't enough to shake the crust from my eyes or move the immovable man.

           Walking uphill at my old college. Its hazy before that, but I'm trying to get somewhere, having left the company of my friends and my brother and driven to the hill through deep snow in my old mint green GMC Jimmy, a missed dream sign in itself. Everyone in the dream is also walking up the hill on a path, but I am very determined for some forgotten or never known reason.  Its hard for me though, and before long I'm on my hands and knees, yelling or grunting, passing people.  its nighttime.  I slow as it gets harder and harder to move on, or even stand up. I'm seem to be the only one affected.  I remember that I have clearly identified this super gravity as a strong dream sign and become lucid.

         Next thing that happens is that a large, solid man appears blocking my path, as if the oppressive physical force was immediately personified upon my becoming lucid.  He's college age, short hair, expressionless, - he's got a certain aspect personality that I try to avoid IWL.  I try to fight him, which is an unusual response for me.  I am still powerless. I try to mentally eject him from my dream. I try to materialize some kind of projectile. I try to materialize some kind of weapon, (probably an idea I got from MM).  He reacts in no way, just blocks my path. I try to materialize a cliff behind him, not specifically, but I intend this dream scene to end in the space between us, or something vague like that.  The cliff is what happens, only its more of a steep slope to the sea and he lingers on the slope - the immovable man.  I try some other maneuver with a fish hook, I forget. I leave him at the edge of the dream and move on, having given up.

         Back at college (graduated 11 years ago IWL).  This time I am trying to show off my lucidity to others.  I try to intend a tattoo of a full paragraph of writing to appear on my butt.  I pull my pants down in back and some blonde kid with glasses takes a look.  There is a tattoo there but its not a full paragraph, just a little note, addressed to me from my friend Keith, a college friend I haven't talked to in 10 years. I wish I remembered the message.

         Upon awakening, I realize that this immovable man character is some sort of personal archetype for me, and that he has popped up in dreams from time to time. I even remember him from a childhood nightmare where he was threatening my mother and I attacked him with all my heart. He did not attack back but laughed.  I wish I had talked to the immovable man.  Though my DCs have always given me reasonable responses when questioned, I somehow am not convinced he would have.

                                                              The CWILD DEBACLE

        
      - I decided to take advantage of my caffeine addiction last night and followed the caffeine withdrawal process described on this site.

My lack of caffeine caused me to crash on the couch yesterday evening

         Couch Dream - Walking on a wide empty path at night, calmly.  I feel that I'm on my way home. I remember that I fell asleep on the couch. I have a funny thought like "why don't I just lucid dream now, instead of all this waking up mid sleep and caffeine withdrawal stuff?" I become lucid. The path opens up into a big field surrounded by mountains. Its kind of like a valley in the Rocky Mountains. Its night, but the sky has a bit of a greenish glow.  I feel like I'm starting to wake up.
         A helicopter flies far overhead.  Even though its not close to me I seem to get swept into some kind of updraft and float upwards and sideways. I have no control. I realize I'm waking up, and before I think to do something about it, the dream disappears.
         I'm not awake though, just in blackness. I think about going back to the dream, but then start to think about my already erratic sleep patterns and how I am totally throwing myself off by sleeping at this time. I wake up.

              Then this morning I attempted WBTB, had a small amount of coffee just before returning to bed and............. couldn't sleep. All that preparation, and my only lucid was in an accidental nap on the couch.  It seems like you really have to walk the razors edge of wake and sleep with this caffeine withdrawal thing. I don't think I'm a good enough sleeper for it.  On the plus side, this experiment made me very aware that I am a total caffeine junkie. 

 

                                                                          
 Lucidity 4/4
Clarity 3-4/5
  
 Retroactive WBTB - more lucidity before WBTB than after.

  Dream Actions: Turning into a wolf, having sex as a woman - things I have read here - Are you people getting into my head?
 Also - walking up a wall, sitting and doing nothing
    
                      

                   I'm gonna break these up, just to organize them, though the following dreams occurred in two unbroken periods of lucidity, one before WBTB  and one after.
                                                                            
                                                                           Pre WBTB
                                                                            
                                                                             INTRO                                    
 
                 As far as I can remember I start off lucid, going through a door onto a deck or porch - none from waking life - maybe a mix.  Its nightime. I wander around the house - there's a front porch too, and a woman joins me, looking out into the woods. I hadn't been thinking of anything to do, but now this person gets me thinking I should do something, like I'm entertaining a guest in my own dreamspace.  I ask what she wants to do - no response - "this is a dream you know, we could fly around or something." She seems open. We fly around the pine trees. Its kind of slow and difficult, then at a certain point she gets the hang of it, and we move more swiftly, like we were linked in our ability to fly.  Things start to get unstable and the scene breaks up.

                                                                           WOLF
                My recall isn't great on this, but I'm pretty sure the dream basically loops, with me on the same porch - still lucid. This time there is really nothing going on. This is the dark kind of blank canvas dream space I am getting more and more familiar with. Its fine though. I wander around, go out to the yard. Smiling to myself, I remember that I have a plan for this situation - to do nothing. So I sit with my back against a tree and just wait for a minute. Nothing happens but thats fine. I close my eyes to meditate a bit, but I stop when I feel everything, including my ego, start to dissolve. I choose to stay in this lucid dream experience.  Maybe next time I'll let go.  When I open my eyes, the woods have wonderful clarity. Though its still dark, The trees have wonderful clarity, and there is an inviting path through them. I walk it of course, and the clarity remains into the deep woods. The light of dawn begins to shine as I get to a lake. The lake is shallow and weedy. I don't really remember making this decision, but I turn into a wolf or dog. I start running.  I am going very fast and can actually feel my wolf body. Definitely my most convincing transformation yet. The back legs work great. I feel like my speed is limitless and I'm all over the woods for a minute and I can't remember whats next.

                                                                      CONCERNED SPIRIT

                      I'm walking down a plain looking street.  Regular houses - evening. I feel like I'm still in an emptyish dream space until I see on my left that a brown haired, small woman is walking beside me silently.  Intuitively I know that she is a being from some higher plane of existence  and that she has come to me with some message. She herself is also trying to piece it together.  Apparently I qualify for some kind of emergency service.
     "I know you've never really attempted suicide, I'm not sure why your showing up" she says
     "Well I do tend to try to live outside my current reality", I reply, making a sort of parallel to suicide.  She takes me to a large screen with various icons on it. Each icon represents a sort of rating that the spirits or whatever she is use to keep tabs on people. Kind of like the gauges in a car. She explains that they keep track of 9 categories, and that she's here because I had problematic readings in 3 of them. She explains these 3. I mostly forget her explanation (unfortunately) but remember that one was a lifespan indicator, and that my reading was showing a "9".  She dismisses my interest in the 6 unexplained areas in a way that suggests they are beyond my comprehension or just not worth explaining.  Then she's gone.
       I walk alone and ask a few questions about what she told me. I am addressing the questions to her but feel as though the answers are coming from within myself. The only question I remember asking is about my "lifespan" number. - "Does that 9 mean 9 years, like 9 years to live?" - no answer.

                                                             GENDER BENDER/ TASTE OF HELL

           The dream loops and I again find myself walking alongside a quiet woman, though our relationship is much different. Paved road, scattered buildings, college town type feel - evening.  We are trying to find a place where we can have sex.  It is understood that we are going to switch genders, making me the woman. We approach a small cabin. i don't notice the change, but when we are ready to go in, I'm a woman. We get started, but right when it starts to get serious and interesting, I get the feeling that this guy has a wife. This is wrong.
        "What happened to your girl?" I ask. "Oh she died recently" he says.
         OK, this is definitely wrong, and my being lucid doesn't seem to make this any less messed up. I leave the dream entirely by falling backwards and out. Everything goes black and I have a feeling that I'm falling upside down and backwards. Its scary. I have no control.
          I come to in the spare bedroom in my grandmothers house, where my uncle slept as a kid and where I used to sleep. Its less like a FA, and more like I just landed here after my free fall. I think of musician Scott Walker and his terrifying music, and how he said that he has had big, scary dreams ever since childhood.  I have a thought.
"You really have to work hard in waking life to have experiences as powerful as these kind of dreams."



                                                                    Post WBTB
Lucidity - 3/5
clarity - 2/5
              
         I'm at my old college, but for some reason a group of us are being pursued and ide out in the gym. We're safe in the gym and are just killing time. I become lucid. I forget how.  I try some things. I can't seem to fly.  I walk up a wall. It takes all my concentration. When I get to the ceiling I have vertigo and walking on the ceiling just seems too much. I try to lift up some woman telekinetically.  Nothing happens. I focus very intensely on a spot above her. The spot starts glowing with this bright white energy.  She's still on the ground but I don't care that much. I go try to have sex with some woman.  
         At first she lets me know that she's only doing it because I'm controlling her in my dream (yes, this is strange, I'll have to think about it).  Then she keeps on morphing and it feels like frustrating regular dream sex so I give up.

                                                        

                                                                  

                                            
            

     lucid  
comments                                                FLYING IN SQUIDLAND - preemptive WBTB (Lucid before WBTB)

lucidity 4/5
clarity 4/5

Actions - best flying yet

               Night.  I'm walking into a town. There are many blimp - sized squids floating above the town. They emit strange pink, blue, and green light.  I feel that this place exists on some kind of deep plane of reality - deeper than normal human life. Maybe the squid are highly evolved. In any case it feels unearthly.  I realize I'm not in Rhode Island anymore - I'm dreaming.

Upon reflection, the scene is possibly inspired from "The Matrix".  Also, maybe the squids arose from my conscious intent for lucidity. Sometimes I think my intent materializes in strong dreamsigns.
        
      The squids disappear upon becoming lucid.  The town still has an alien kind of feel, but everything in it is pretty normal - streets, storefronts, parked cars. It is very empty and quiet.  I walk to a simple park - grass, trees, a path. Dawn breaks and my clarity increases along with the light. The sky is very blue and everything is vivid. I am especially impressed by the shadows from the trees, which are very sharp against the grass and path. They are everywhere. I spin around a few times and watch them move. I take a few floating jumps down the path. Everything is so clear and stable, and I am so happy that I feel in danger of waking up.

      I walk on, which becomes flying. At first I am a few feet above the ground. I can cruise fast but I can't seem to elevate. I fix my attention on a mountain top in the distance, and I'm off - very fast, very high, very bright, very clear. "so THIS is the kind of flight I'm always trying to achieve!!!", I think. I get to the mountain and keep going, but things get kind of shaky when I try to move on. I hover over a valley and things clear up again. I  float up through the atmosphere backwards, watching the valley shrink. I wake up


      

                                NONDESCRIPT WORK DREAM/ THE STREET OF THE STRETCHY PEOPLE

Lucidity 2-3/5
clarity - typical dream clarity

Dream actions - stretching DCs

note - I was on 50mg of benadril (for insomnia, not lucidity is this why I felt impaired?)

      I find myself in a hallway with my supervisor from work. There are blue lockers there. There is something about his face, that triggers lucidity. I think its flat and kind of dull looking, whereas in waking life  he's very active and intellegent. Anyway, yes... I'm dreaming.
I walk around the hall, others are there but they are blurry and moving fast. The dream seems unstable. I remember something about moving your head fast. I give this a try, while hopping around but I quickly lose the dream.
     I'm in a space of blackness. I'm never sure if its "the void" It feels like I'm awake with my eyes closed, but still asleep enough to reenter the dream.  Anyhow, I'm able to chain together another lucid. This time I'm walking a street at dusk. It's still kind of blurry, but its more stable.  Walking a block behind me is a group of three women. I keep looking at them over my shoulder and every time I do, they stretch a little. I feel like its half me stretching them, and half them stretching on their own. They turn right and enter a house. By this point, they're about 15 feet tall and very skinny. One other person on the street stretches in a similar way.
     Then I'm in a house, though I don't remember entering one. There are 5 to 10 people there. I'm laying on the floor. i think about floating or walking up the wall, but I don't feel up to it, kind of like I'm drunk. I guess i then start thinking about sex because some plain looking older women comes to me and we start having sex - its better than regular dream sex but not much, it doesn't really get anywhere.

                                                   I'VE GOT A BIKE YOU CAN RIDE IT IF YOU LIKE

lucidity - 3/5
clarity - 4/5

Dream actions - stopping and loudly singing "Bike" by Pink Floyd"

  Its a clear night. I'm in a suburban front yard partying with a few others. We smoke weed. A neighbor, a jock looking guy in a white baseball hat comes over and we end up following him to his front yard, where his friends are smoking a giant spliff. I enter his house, and stumble into the very last breaths of a serious party. Some sit and talk, some are passed out. My wife's niece, Rachel, is there. I sit next to her.  My wife is there, briefly.  I'm a bit old for this crowd and I start thinking about my own partying days, and how I miss some of my old friends, and being a part of this kind of thing, and the music, and the times. I'm inspired to try to start something interesting. A microphone is there and i hand it to Rachel, wanting her to sing something. No such luck.  I go outside and take out my laptop computer and I think I come here, to Mortal Mist, and read dream stuff. I look up and think how I should do a reality check. (could it be that the MM dreambot prompted this lucid in some way?) Anyhow, I do the nose check (I don't do this in waking life) I'm actually congested, so the result is confusing. I repeat and as it turns out, I'm dreaming.

       I lay on my back and look up at the stars. I try to float upwards with absolutely no result. I usually at least get off the ground. I strengthen my intent and try again - nothing - and with my increased effort the whole scene starts to fade to black. "I'm being advised to stay grounded and interact with this scene" I think. I roll over and get up. Everything, especially the stars, looks extremely accurate. This and I can't fly at all. Its enough to prompt another reality check - another nose test - yep, I'm dreaming.  I walk back into the party house. People are basically passed out. I show off a bit jumping around the furniture like a cat, then I hold myself in a reclined position using only one hand on a bedpost to support myself. These people are too dim and wasted to care that this is a dream. I walk out of the house again.

      "Why not just walk into this next house" I think, and I do. The house next door looks empty. Its a large, open house of dark hardwood. The downstairs is completely open, and the upstairs is like a loft, with a railed walkway encircling an opening to the downstairs, leading past rooms facing towards the outside of the house. I go in and out of some of the upstairs rooms.  The last one looks as empty as the others until i see a section of human leg poking out of a crumpled blanket on a couch. Someone's sleeping. I don't feel an urge to wake them, so I just leave. As I walk into the front yard, I remember a funny kind of dream task thats been in the back of my mind. I stop and start loudly singing the song "Bike" by Pink Floyd. (Its a trippy, almost childish experiment of a song).

      Before I finish the first line - "I've got a bike you can ride it if you like its got a basket a bell an many things to make it look good" - a little girl appears in the doorway of the house I just left and starts singing with me
      "I've got a plate of gingerbread men here a man there a man lots of ginger bread men take a couple if you wish they're on the dish" - we're a bit out of unison and I start the chorus while she starts another verse. We stop singing and I rush towards her and give her a big hug.
      "How do you know that song?" I ask
       "My father taught it to me"

       I get the idea that I will take this girl with me. I think for a second that it is very wrong to just take children, but this is a dream and she seems abandoned anyhow and I love her. We go back into the house and start coloring pictures with oil pastels.
       After I have just started scribbling I am amazed to see that I have accidentally made a very realistic close up of a hand, and in the background is a dark space with a stairway and a door at the top and something lurching in the door. (In retrospect it may have been interesting to try and enter the drawing) I look again and its a sloppy pastel drawing, but still interesting on an abstract level. I start another drawing. This one becomes a cartoonish picture of a tiny mouse, but the mouse represents the worst kind of evil. He sits at the station of a judge, behind a large desk in a large chair. The little girl i am with is also in the drawing, and in my head the drawing comes to life. It doesn't become animated or anything but the meaning of it seems to take on a life of its own. The mouse is hurling insults and judgements at the girl. He calls her a bitch and he is about to call her a fucking cunt when I realize that I am acting out this story, and could be frightening the actual little girl. I start fighting back within the context of the drawing and I scribble over the mouse as hard as I can, striking the paper with the pastels and then writing "fuck you" over and over as hard as I can over his image, in a state of absolute rage.  I come out of it and look around to see that I've made about 10 drawings. They all seem full of emotion and interesting looking.  All this emotion may have got me a bit uncentered because I feel confused as to whether this work will exist when I wake up.

       I hear someone come in the front door. We go downstairs. its the little girl's mother. She looks like Sandra Bullock. We intuitively recognize each other and embrace.  We exchange names, but we knew each others names before we said them, like we had known each other on some deeper level. (she's Rachel).  We kiss. It occurs to me that I talked to her on the phone once when I had dialed a wrong number. I further realize that she thinks I sought her out, and had intentionally called her before. I explain otherwise, that the call, and our meeting now were both amazing, divine occurrences. She doesn't believe me. Its too much. We start to move on but I stop and say "Wait, I need you to know that I'm actually being honest with you (that I didn't plan this).  I may be crazy but I'm trying the best I can to tell you my reality."  She accepts this and we move on.

      At this point my awareness moves out of myself. The person occupying my place in the dream is a guy who only vaguely looks like me. I am either a bodiless observer, or a female friend of Rachel's who just happens to be there watching, or both at different times, I'm not sure. The guy in my place starts worrying about things. He's with Rachel now and it feels right but he had a wife and family that he is leaving behind. "I know this is best for both of us (him and his wife)", he says, "its just the kids.  I was just telling Shane about our money troubles and he's gonna think..." (Meaning that he is going to think he was involved in his parents break up - this was implied but I'm only recording dialogue i actually remember saying).  I - as the female friend, chime in, "You can keep a relationship with the kids, I mean, get some sleep now but think about it". The guy in my place seems to me like he is trying to avoid the complicated work of maintaining his fatherly responsibilities with this life change by being hopeless and dramatic about it.

      Rachel suggests that we should get going - to another house or another dream or another life. At this point we've been up all night. The sun is rising and we've each vomited recently. I'm exhausted. "OK, as long as I can smoke a cigarette when we get outside" I say ( I seem to be myself again, temporarily. We leave and then were driving in a car and then its not me but my stand-in again and theme music starts playing, like this is the end of a television episode - the kind that ends open-like - like the future is wide open and life goes on. The music is a simple earthy electric folkie type song. It kind of sounds like "I don't want to grow up" by Tom Waits.

      Out of the car window, the scene is swampy and tropical, kind of like Florida. A short, white crane wades.


Notes - This occurred in the first 90 minutes of sleep. I think I have full dream recall of this time. I then got up and jotted some notes down.

-After going back to bed I had more long and strange dream sequences, which I remember very well.  The dreams involved being a part of a remnant population after most of the earth was destroyed and the normal rules of reality were bending. People were physically transforming as a result of their inner intentions and a crazy, movie like, apocalyptic drama unfolded.

- All this and the night before I had zero recall

-  I figured out the theme song on the guitar upon awakening





 

                                                                INDECENT EXPOSURE _ THE NUDITY BACKFIRE

lucidity 4/5
clarity 3/5

Dream actions - flight, stripping

       I'm in a large building. maybe its work. Its a little vague but however it was, it was obviously a dream, as I become lucid with no doubt or RC. I have an immediate urge to get outside. I fly through a closed window. There's no breaking, just a kind of dull pop as I fly through.  Its very sunny and I fly quickly over green grass. I'm going great at first until I gradually lose altitude. I don't fight it, I just go with the landing, ending up in a green field.

       I remember that I wanted to strip, so I do.  I pass a playground full of toddlers. Then some of the toddlers are naked. One is sort of physically mature, yet still a toddler. I sort of recognize this scene as a manifestation of the waking life taboos concerning public nudity. Whatever it is, I walk on. I am also aware of my over-size dream penis.

       I come to an enormous Cadillac surrounded by trees. The car is 50 feet long and about 10 feet tall. It is pink and white and adorned with garlands of pink flowers, like an overly garish celebration of the 50's. In the huge back seat area sits a tiny white haired old woman and her terrier. Apparently, she has set up shop here, looking to find breeding partners for her dog. My dogs are there and she seems interested in one of them for reproduction. The feeling is weird, and I don't really like this woman. Or her car or dog for that matter.

      I'm about to leave when I wake up. It seems that all these dogs sprung from the barking of my own waking life dogs, who are in the backyard along with several loud children. .... and so this very stable and lucid dream is cut off in what was probably its beginning


notes: my idea of nudity had none of the desired effects. It seems to have increased my body awareness, and invited some awkward sexual overtones to the party. I ended up disrobing as a rote act and left out the ritual approach I had in mind. Next time, I think I'll be better off just sitting, focusing on a few breaths and centering.

                                                                             '81 VW CHOPPER

Lucidity - 2/5
Clarity - 3/5

    So I've been driving my veggie oil powered '81 VW pickup for the past few nights. Sadly, I could probably use this as a dream sign as I am currently struggling to make repairs and get it on the road.

      Anyhow, I'm driving on a country road on a sunny day. Two trucks are ahead of me. The road seems to gain altitude some how and then I see that it ends abruptly, leaving only tree tops in front of us. The two trucks kind of float on the trees a la Crouching tiger Hidden Dragon. I follow suit. Then there is  gap and there aren't even any tree tops there. I know intuitively that we're supposed to will our vehicles over this gap, in a way similar to dream flying. That does it. This is a dream.

      I float through the gap and decide I might as well fly around a bit. I feel like I need to alter my vehicle. I will there to be folded down helicopter blades waiting to be utilized.... and there they are... just as I pictured.  I undo a bolt and the blades spring up on their own as if held down by tension. So now I got this chopper. I fly up and over the forest. I lose lucidity pretty quick....

      ....... and then I'm marrying one of the psych patients i work with - such is life.


Note- The way I think about it, I created the gap in that road the before going to bed that night with some MILD type exercise.



    

                                                              REFUGE IN THE VOID

lucidity - 3/5
 clarity - 2/5

      dream actions - entering the wall, entering the void

     I am perhaps vaguely lucid to begin with. This was a horrible dream, though I can't exactly explain why.  I was in a short fitful, interrupted, uncomfortable, sinus headache sleep.

        I am in a room at night. I guess its kind of a hotel room - anyhow, its my temporary home. I'm inside feeling awful, like my head is full, like I'm exhausted. The room is brightly lit (too bright) though its pitch black outside. I'm a few floors up.  I'm trying to have sex, but its not with anyone in particular. I have some vague dream awareness and my partner is just shifting and illusive images, none of which are that attractive. In fact the whole thing sucks. It doesn't really get anywhere. I stop out of frustration. I'm thinking of finishing myself off when I notice that the place is full of large windows and the curtains are completely sheer.  There are people in surrounding buildings looking at me. Now I just want to get out of here.
      
        I look around and something makes me more lucid. I do a few RCs (the nose one) to drive it home. This in itself is no real relief, but at least it opens up a few options for leaving. I look up at the ceiling. It is very clear and has some nice dark wood lattice work. I try to float up through it, but all that happens is the ceiling bends and shifts a bit like I'm seasick or drunk.
Next option - I walk through the wall. I take a minute to focus on the task and I go through very easily. I think I was initially trying just to get out of the building, but I find myself stopping in the wall itself, in the darkness.  
    
      Now there is no wall, just darkness. I'm still trying to get somewhere new, trying to float upwards. I'm looking up but can't seem to really get moving.

      Then I feel a very strange sensation. My entire sense of orientation shifts.  I get a little of that roller coaster/ free fall feeling. I seem to come to balance, and this feeling turns into a sense of deep calm.   I began looking up but it is as though I awakened to a deeper reality and up is down. *  I am floating on my stomach surrounded by what feels like huge amounts of dark space.  I am slowly floating a mile above an immense black ocean. I can barely see its surface but I feel it. The word "primordial" comes to mind. I feel utterly and completely alone, but in the most peaceful way. Like "loneliness" would be an alien idea to me. fin

*  Here's the best way I can describe it. When I was younger, some friends and I would lie on our backs and look up at the stars.  We would stick our arms and legs in the air and try to perceive ourselves as hanging  with our backs stuck to the ceiling, looking down at the immensity of space and stars. If we kept at it, eventually we would experience a profound shift in perception that we could feel in our bodies. Psilocybin also helped.
       It was kind of like that.