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Caradon:
 Caradon's Dream Journal

 

Caradon:
6/27/19

Had some vivid recall last week but this week has been pretty  crappy so far. last night was one of those nights where you have stuff right on the edge of memory, can't quite bring back. Maybe something will come back later.

Tonight is Friday night, I don't often get much sleep on Friday nights because I work the night shift, and then the morning shift on Saturday and Sundays.

I'm in the process of decaffeinating. I've gotten too addicted to the stuff over the winter. And for aside for a couple of people o this forum I knew who used caffeine for WILDing. I've never felt like caffeine was good for lucid dreaming practicing. And to be  honest I'm getting sick of being addicted to it. But few things in the waking world making me feel good. And coffee in the morning does, and was giving me a reason to want to wake up in the morning. But it's been getting to be too much. And I need to get back to who I was, before the world starting going to shit on me.


I lost my link to the private forum when the computer I was using died. I couldn't figure out how to get back to it. And I was already in a bad place mentally at the time and getting sick of writing all the time so when my computer died I just said fuck it and let things go.

Looking at my PM's. It's hard to believe it's already been five years since the shit hit the fan and killed this forum. But at least it's still here. :)   

Caradon:
6/28/19


Slept about four hours. Probably should have gotten to sleep a little earlier when I got home instead of browsing the forums.


But I did recall a work fragment where I was a work and talking to the boss about something work related.


I hsould note that I have a different job than I use to. The company I use to work for for 18 years went out of business. BUt that tunred out to be  agood thing since I like the place I'm t now a lot better. PLus making a little more money and getting more hours. I've been at the new job  just over three years. I've not yet fully taken advantage of the fact that I can sleep in more. Since three nights of the week I work the night shift and can sleep in as long as I want.

 But it's summer, and unfortunately probably my dogs last summer as the vets didn't think she would even last through the winter but she is still here and I'm trying to give her the best summer ever. Because her favorite thing is going for rides on my bike. So I'm taking her out every chance I can get. So when it's warm enough for her to be on the bike early in the mornings I'm going to be getting up early to taking her biking before work. I just got done having two week off work to spend with her.We were out adventuring all day almost every day of those two weeks. 

But I'm still in denial because evvery day that she still seems okay makes it seem less and less real. And I still don't know how I'm going to handle it when she is gone. She cme into my life and formed a bond with me like none otherr that I will ever have in this life. And I can't comprehend the idea of her not being here anymore. but I'm just lucky she is still here. She tunred 17 years old this March. So very fortunate really.

When I get time I thinking I'm going to go through the journals and start bumping up all the old journals of my old frineds here as a means of pushing  back the spam zombies of the forum apocalypse. And to make the front page of the journals look better.

Caradon:
Saturday/June/29/2019

Had some very vivid recall of a horrible dream of seeing my dog fall off a mountain cliff to her death. I wrote it out in detail. But then just as I hit post I remembered that I forgot to copy the post and it was too late. The forum went down for a little bit right then and I lost the post.

But that's alright, the important thing is that I  wrote it out. And now out of time and have to get ready for work.

Caradon:
Sunday/June/30/2019

My nap which as always I'm still counting as the previous nights dreams.

Bug

I find a bug crawling on me. It look like a wood tick. I'm trying to make sure I kill it before it can bite anyone and give someone a fucked up disease. I drop it for a second and lose it. But then I find it again and carry it into the bathroom. I crush it with my fingernail and throw it in the toilet.

Note: trying to remember to reality check at the site of bugs, especially when they are in the house or crawling on me. Because I've been seeing them in my dreams a lot lately.

Homless guy

Very vivid. I'm in the back yard with the dog. I'm off to the side of the house.It feels as if I had just woken up and crawled out of my tent. There is a homeless guy standing there hwo is actually one of my step dads friends. he is about to take a piss on the side of the house. I tell him no. he look sat me and zips it back up and walks to the back yard.

I also walk to the back yard, going towards where my back door is. The homeless guy walks down to wear the treeline is and starts pissing down there by the trees. I realize I forgot to get my dog. She is still over by the side of the house. So I walk back over there. As I do I notice the homeless guy examining some shrubs down bye the trees that has blue flowers on it.  I walk aroud he side of the house the dog is there. She runs twards me.  I scoop her up in my arms wondering how I could have forgetten about her. 

With the dog in arms I walk back towards the back door The homeless guy now over by the door and smoking. I feel like I have an alcohol buzz at this point. And I have a memory that I had been drinking. (Which I have not been in reality.) I want one of his cigaretts. And I wonder if I really want to start smoking again. I decide I don't give a fuck, it's a good time to have a smoke with an alcohol buzz on.

But I notice a really big black dog the guy has with him now. And the way it's looking at me I'm worried ithe big dog might be hostile and want to attack the small dog in my arms. So I want to get her into the house before that can happen. The the homeless guy asks me about phone numbers that are supposedly in a black notebook in my house that he wants me to get for him. Apparently there is someone he needs to call on the notebook.


I try to push the door open, but someone is standing behind it. The person comes from around the door, on the insid eof the house. It's an old friend of mine. I didn't know he was even here. I suddenly notice he is all messed up. Like he has had a really bad stroke or something. "What happened!?" I ask. Barely able to speak it  sounds like he says something about being handicapped. He sits down in a wheelchair that has suddenly appeared.  I feel so terrible for what happened to him, I'm practically in tears. He raises his hand for a fist pump, in acknowledgment and apreciation for my concern. I give him the friendly punch on the fist and wake. 





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