Whew. I had a long weekend at the tightest wedding ever. It was up in the hills of the Santa Barbara wine country, next to Neverland Ranch. The house was three crazy old farm houses shipped in from across the country, and then assembled into one mansion. Very cool, and respectably done. I didn't sleep much over the weekend, but the night I got back, I had wacky dreams and three spontaneous DILDs.
Going InsaneI was jogging through the Oakland hills, trying to find my friend's house. I had just memories of a crazy synchronistic event involving a chain of coincidences with myself, the mayor, my realator, and one of the biggest land owners in the area. I felt like it was too impossible to be real (It was based on actual events to some degree). I was trying to remember it, because I knew it would make an awesome short story. As I was thinking about it, I ran by a girl getting out of a taxi wearing only a bikini. She looked at me strangely, and I realized she was a forgotten friend from college. I gave her a hug, and she told me she was in her bikini as a part of a feminist self confidence program.
I started to tell her the incredible story. Halfway through, I lost track of the details. I was confused, and the memory was slipping away like a dream. My friend was in a hurry, and her bus had arrived. I felt embarrassed that my story didn't make sense. I couldn't put my words or memories together. She must have thought I was an idiot. I told her I would catch up with her tomorrow, when I was feeling more myself.
She got on the bus, and I continued on my jog. I was scared now. It was night, and I was completely lost. I couldn't figure out my memories, my sense of direction, or why I was even running in the first place. I started to panic, and stopped into a nearby storefront that had a group of people meeting inside. I wanted to ask directions.
I interrupted a presentation by an older woman. She was handing out papers for some sort of survey or exam. I started to tell her about the synchronistic coincidence story, and asked her if it made sense. I wanted her to tell me I wasn't crazy. She couldn't help me, so I left. As soon as I walked out the door, I realized something wasn't right. I knew this must be a dream. I walked back into the meeting, stood in front of the class, and told everyone, "Stop! Something is wrong. I think this is a dream." I stooped down under the table, and waved my hand through the table legs. People were watching me like I was insane. I then stood up, and told everyone, "Do what I do. The world is not as stable as it seems. Place your fingertips under the table, and lift up as hard as you can." I followed my own instructions, and my hands squished right through the wood tabletop. It was like it was made of putty.
Now people started to believe me. Suddenly, instead of a group of people, it was a chat room with a group of avatars. One person started lecturing about lucid dreaming, saying, "Lucid dreaming is well understood. It can be cured through meditation and hard work." I couldn't understand why he thought it was a disease.
I realized his voice sounded strange. He was made up of multiple celebrity sound bites, like one of those joke sound boards you use for prank calls. I started to realize he was not real. His avatar started to animate like a flash movie. It grew to the size of the whole screen, and a psychedelic beatles song started playing "Making it happen...Making it happen..." A trippy 60s style music video started playing. It reminded me of Mumbleboy (
http://mumbleboy.com/ )mixed with Sargent Pepper.
I thought to myself, "Oh no, he has hacked the chat. I better go tell a moderator before this gets out of hand."
Shopping Cart DestructionI was measuring a huge half built communal house. I was alone, but on my cell phone with a guy from work, and the contractor. There was a video of the house on a small television. It was a view from the rooftop. I realized the house was huge, and it would take me weeks to measure. I saw one of the guys on the roof pick up a shopping cart, and drop kick it. He kicked it incredibly hard and far. It smashed into a tower, and knocked the roof right off. I thought to myself, "Great, now I have to detail a new roof plan for that tower. Ass hole!"
Something is WrongI left the room, and found myself outside on the driveway of my mother's house. It was night time and I could barely see. I was scared. Something was not right. There was a creature on the front lawn. I approached it, thinking "There's no such thing as monsters." I felt like a child, scared of the dark in their own bedroom. I realized the creature was my winter coat balled up on the front lawn. It scared me that it would be on the lawn. Why would my stuff be here? My mother didn't even live in this house anymore. I picked it up, and decided I wanted to go home. Something was very creepy and wrong. I realized that I was locked out of the house, with my car locked inside the garage.
I was panicked. I had to get my car. I leaned against the garage door, and started to press my hands through the cold metal. I stopped halfway through. "Wait a minute. First, I had better do a RC to make sure this is a dream." I pulled my hands back through the door, and looked down at them. In the darkness, I counted six fingers. "Six fingers. Shit! This isn't just a dream, it is a lucid dream!" I hopped into the air, hovered for a second, and then took off into the sky.
Just then, my girlfriend rolled over and woke me up!
The Auction HouseI was at an auction at Sotheby's. I was supposed to be meeting my friend who works there, to help me buy a piece of artwork. I wanted it so bad, I dropped everything, and flew all the way to New York to bid on it. The place looked like a giant mall. I couldn't find my friend, and soon figured out that the place was closed due to rains. I thought to myself, "Next time they have an event like this, they should spring for a live band. That way, people can still hang out in this great building, even if the auction is closed. What a wasted trip for me."
The place was abandoned. I was looking for a secret passage to the art department. I passed by an overpriced specialty foods delicatessen type store, and a bakery with great looking cakes. I got lost in the antiques department, in an endless maze of vases, furniture, and other old lady stuff. I couldn't find my way out, and soon realized I must be dreaming. I still felt frustrated and angry, and started smashing all the priceless antiques. Someone called the cops, and they had me surrounded. The hostage negotiator put my parents on the megaphone. They were yelling at me for being so reckless and childish.
I knew it was a dream, so I escaped the mall, and flew out to where all the cop cars, swat team, and hostage negotiators were parked. I flew above everyone's heads yelling, "This is a dream, Fuckers!" I laughed hysterically, while showering them with smashed priceless vases and sculptures. They were all running around like idiots, not knowing if they should catch the art pieces, or dodge them as they came tumbling out of the sky at deadly speeds.
The last thing I remember is seeing my mom and dad in the middle of a ring of police cars, shaking their heads disapprovingly.
