I've heard rumors about my girlfriend's family's shady dealings. They are heavily involved with illegal genetic engineering. I was chosen to go undercover and expose their operation. Armed with an old cowboy revolver stuffed in the back of my pants, I accompanied my girlfriend to their yearly family reunion. My mission was to lay low and mingle until my backup team arrives and gives me the signal to take them down. Unfortunately, that plan went sour, fast. I underestimated how boring this whole thing was going to be.
Halfway through the party, I snuck out of the banquet hall to get a break from all the stupid family reunion games. I followed the sound of some bumpin' music to a hidden back room. Lights flashed on the stage, as strippers danced and worked their poles. I took a seat in the front row, and struck up a conversation with one of the girls. She explained to how panties had gone out of style, replaced by fishnet stockings. No one wore panties anymore, these days.
As exciting as the conversation was, I had responsibilities back in the reunion, so I excused myself to leave. On my way out, the bouncer stopped me. Apparently I had forgotten to pay the girl for our time together. I took a bunch of money out of the ATM to pay, but soon realized it was all $1 bills. I couldn't find any $20s in the stack. I felt bad digging through my wallet like this, like it cheapened my new friendship with this girl. Finally, I just gave her the whole stack of bills in my wallet, receipts and all.
As I made my way back to the reunion, I heard gunshots. I ran into the hall to see everyone huddled on the floor, hostages to a single man with a gun. I didn't want any part of this. I didn't care what these people were involved with, it wasn't worth my life. The man started shooting me, but instead of bullets, his gun shot liquid, like a squirt gun. I knew the liquid was a genetic mutagen. It would turn me into a monster if it hit me. I dodged his shots, while fumbling with the safety on my gun. My gun had three modes. One that would speed up time for the target, one that would shoot bullets, and a safety. The revolver rotated like a dial, setting the mode. I couldn't get it to work, and was afraid I woul hurt myself. Finally, exasperated, I gave up. This was all too weird. Why the hell was I here to begin with? I didn't even know these people.
As I stood confused, looking at the sea of hostages, I recognized one girl as my old neighbor from childhood. She reminded me of the genetic engineering lab in the attic, and promised to show me the terrors it held. I followed her up a hatch to the secret lab, hoping for some answers.
The lab looked suspiciously like a laundry room. I could see a load of laundry tumbling in the dryer. She opened the door to stop the machine, but the clothes didn't stop moving. The half dry load of socks and tee shirts started undulating like something terrible was buried beneath. I fumbled with my gun, trying to get it set to bullets mode. The menacing pile of clothes flopped out of the dryer. It started to slither and undulate towards me threateningly. The clothes fell away from the monster, revealing..... a cute little blue turtle and a brown bunny rabbit. They looked like little lovable Pokemon. My neighbor screamed, "Kill it! Kill them quickly!" I aimed my gun and fired at the turtle. A white light flashed, and the turtle started running in circles in fast motion. Comically fast, like an old Charlie Chaplin movie. I looked at my gun, and saw it was set to "A.H.M." which I knew stood for "A Haste Mode."
This was too much. I looked around for anything that would help this all make sense. My father climbed up from the attic ladder. He would know what to do. Relieved, I ran to him and gave him the gun. I told him how much I hated it, because I couldn't get it to work properly. I had been scared all night that it would go off in my pants and accidentally shoot someone. He took it from me, and it immediately went off accidentally in his hand. I felt the concussion from the shot, and knew he had hit me. I looked down at my body to see where I was had been shot.
I was naked. Completely naked. When did that happen?! My father said my front teeth looked chipped. Maybe he shot me in the face. I looked in a nearby mirror, but my teeth looked fine. This was too obvious for me. Suddenly naked? Chipped teeth? I immediately became lucid.
My father kept blabbing on about how he grew up in this house, reminiscing. I knew he was just trying to distract me back into the dream. He explained how he used to sneak out of the house using this attic window. I looked out the window, and saw we were high above a city, at the top of a high rise building. The city was lit up in the night , and I could see car's headlights whizzing along the street below. "This is a perfect opportunity to fly." I said, as I climbed out the window. I hovered out over the lit up city, and then sped off to do a few exhilarating laps around the block. It was a huge relief after the stressful dream. I returned to the window, and tried to convince my dad to come flying with me. He was scared of the height, and clung fearfully to the window. I left him behind, and descended to the street below.
My mother and brothers were on the street, looking for a restaurant. They wanted to bring some takeout food back to their hotel room. I tried to convince them this was all a dream, but they wouldn't even talk about it. I grabbed my mom's hand, telling her to get a running start, then jump and fly. We jumped together. My mom fell back to the ground normally, but I hovered for a brief second before landing. I gave up on trying to convince them, and decided I wanted to run and feel the motion and speed. I took off running, but my body was clumsy. I remembered what the Wii Fit video game had said about using your whole foot when you run or walk. I tried that, but it just made me feel like I was marching in place. A jogger ran past me as I stumbled along. Cars were driving past me on the street, their headlights approaching at crazy speeds, making me feel even slower. I thought for a second that running in a dream would be great practice for a marathon runner. I could really feel the rhythm of my pace, and could tell exactly what muscles I was using in my legs and feet.
