Wow, didnt even think about it that much and was able to die last night. Also there were many more dreams, but it was soo cold in the camper that I decided not to write them down and just "chill" under the covers. In the future I will try in these situations to at least write a sentence so that I may be able to remember the rest later.
This one I do remember;
I am watching a film that my guru (appears in many of my dreams- never met in real life although we keep in touch much over the internet)
...that my guru made long ago of him and three other guys doing yoga and messing around on top of a sunset sunny california mountain. Seems like they may have been casting spells out onto the world as well. I am surprised that the other three "extras" seem to be so "intuned". They are all just quite great. The end of the video is them smoking weed for some reason (maybe a "refference" to the uncomfort that somes when I smoke (they were obviously comfortable).
Next I am hanging out with guru (P). Its one of the regular dream scenes with him where we have finally met and nothing happends, no sparks, no philosophy etc. In each of these "let down" dreams with P, including this one I am incredibly effected by the feeling of boredom and freak out in my own head.. Toward the end of this particular scene, I begin not to care (which I think is the suggested goal), but still have a lingering big in the back of the head.
I am contemplating making a dreamgoal to either "not care", or to make it a goal to have nothing to do, just to exict with P and face this fear, either live with it awkwardly or whatever.
Toward the end of us hanging out, I leave and go up onto the roof. A storm is coming, its big. I write a message on the rood, "come up here" (which I forget in the dream writing, and think that someone else wrote it for me and now I am there). Friend J comes (she was also down inside with P and I) and asks why I called her up on the roof when such a large storm is coming.
I have a "flashback" -a montage of when P decided to come and visit me. Like there were three people and I was one of them who were lucky enough to be visited by him. This announcement in the flashback seemed very organic, and I think the fb was there to be like, "hey,this started naturally, what gives?"
I go for a little walk. Along with the storm, there is a huge migration of people, following some type of festivals the size of which has never been known to man. Not neccisarily music festivals, but a conscious awakening type of thing. They are passing by the town and I shouldnt really say "they", because we are part of the movement as well. I walk over to some of them who are on the move. Well acutally these specific people have stopped on the side of the road/path. They are hurting, its about three of them. I sit down with them and take out of my pockets what I have. I also have a little water in a cup. One guy is incredibly skinny. They do not ask for anything, I am aware that they never ask for anything. I offer him the water. It is what he needs or he will die, his girlfriend tries to help him keep it down without throwing it back up. We all focus on him keeping the water down. He is almost dead and then is able to keep a sip down. I can see it absorb and distribute in him and he relaxes.
Go back to little town. A father figure (big jolly santa type) who seems to believe that Im his son and that he has tought me everything he knows about medicine is talking to me about the water that I gave to the hurting guy back there. He says that I was lucky it came from that specific source, and that if I had mistakenly given him water from a source like this (points to a utility/wash sink (one of those big plastic things thats in the basement alot of the time)) that the fellow would have died and in a bad way. He is happy that I did good though.
I go back out and start my voyage with the migration. After a while come to about 50 people who have set up a temporary rest spot under some trees.
I get a call from an old friend of whom I have distanced myself from since (he appears regularily in my dreams and we often fight to the death). Im curious how he got the number, but talk to him. He wants to get together. I tell him that Ive quit drinking and smoking, so what would we do? (hes one of those friends- drinking only). I strait up ask him, considering this new light where Im sober what he has to bring to my table. Neither of us can come up with anything so the call ends.
Back to the crowd, we are all getting along and loving eachother when this disturbed guy comes over to us, hastling people. He gets violent, pulling a girls hair and throwning her. Now hes got a gun and most of the people leave. Its a big shotgun.
This guys main trip is peoples objects and appearances, he judges everything. A girl with a red scarf he screams at for example (about the scarf). I remain and as he approaches me I rid myself of anything judgementable, throw all my stuff on the ground even toss the cup that Ive got and pour the icewater on the ground so that I have nothing. He comes over to me, sniffs around. I pick up some of the ice. He is now at a fridge that apears to have been in the field the whole time. I approach him and tell him that I need some more ice, figuring that you cannot get much moreneutral that ice (water, ya know). Make myself a glass of water and ask if he wants some. He says no and I shrug like "alright man".
Here I am purposely getting at him like I tend to do in real life with explosive individuals (asking the angry and huge guy at the party what his problem is etc). A friend once called me a "merry prankster". So Im kind of messing with this guy on some level by acting like its no big deal that hes freaking out and has a shotgun.
I turn away from him with my water and like a "swish" my upper back spinal area gets warm and I realize that he has shot me at close range with the big shotgun, in a "bad place" to be shot by a shotgun. Its warm and I begin to vibrate, observing the sensation of dying, it was strangely nice and I slowly woke feeling great
So cool, my goal set yesterday was reached! I cant remember ever dying in a dream before, its always something that I frantically avoid. I think I will try it again tonight and keep an eye out for P.
Question is, do I try to have a boredom mundane time (facing that fear) or do I make a conscious (as conscious as it can be) effort to have fun going with the "positive reinforcement" philosophy?
