Searching for her Star

[Amethyst Star]

07-11-2008

I come home from work and fall asleep.  I wake up and it's 5:34 and I wonder if I just slept through the rest of work.  I don't think I did, but I'm not sure.  I just watched this movie and it's my dad's birthday.  Then some creatures start attacking, but I have special powers and am okay.  Then this one girl is able to turn into some silvery metal and I think I can withstand her, but I'm not sure.  I don't stick around to find out.

Then I'm at the high school.  We're going around trying to rescue the dalmatians.  We split up and I go by myself into this one closed off area.  There are words written on the wall in poop that I read, but don't understand.  I run into this girl who was hiding behind this I-bar that's up against the wall.  I tell her she can trust me and she follows eventually.  There appears to be no way out (and that happened “last time” but things seemed to change), so I see a half-barrier that can be lifted and we're then able to go into the gym.  There are bad guys there (similar to ones from Kingdom Hearts).  We (a group of us now) manage to defeat them, but we know that the stronger ones are coming.  We decide to leave the gym and spread out in the high school to hide.  We're also hiding as part of a competition.  I first hide in the bathroom in the second to last stall on the right and stand up on the seat.  Others enter and start talking, and I think they saw me, so I decide to move to another spot.  They say they couldn't see me, but I look back and the door is a metal mesh.  I go around to the area outside of the cafeteria.  There's a buffet going on inside, but then lunch is being served outside of it in the hall.  I get some lunch and it's Mexican food.  I listen to these other high school boys talk, but they're more intelligent than the average high schooler, so I don't mind.

Then I'm in this house in an upstairs bedroom.  I wander around the upstairs a little.  The dream then shifts a little to talk about the history of Darth Vader.  He started out as a regular Jedi, but then went back to training when he turned evil and wanted the red light saber.  It's like a story's being told.  He studies to get the red one, and the narrator says he wouldn't be happy with anything less (“than pink,” I know he wants to say, but I understand that “pink” is effeminate, so he doesn't really say it).

Then we're either at the roundup grounds or on Main street where people are setting off fireworks.  One guy, an Italian, puts on a good show and I compliment him and he asks if I'd go visit his family.  He gives me a flyer with his name on it and a general idea of where they are.  The Ts are going on vacation and invite me, so I go with them.  K wants to pay for me, but I don't want him to, knowing I have money to pay for myself.  We go to a city similar to P and stop at the bottom of this hill.  There's one house, but I know that at the top is that man's Italian family.  I mention his family's up there.  The Ts ask if I want to go and I say yes.  I drive the RV up the hill a little way to park it behind the house. There's some sandy ground and I don't want us to get stuck, so I speed up (after having slowed down to park) and drive in circles until I get to some firmer ground.  The Italian family comes out to meet us.  We join them for a meal and after a little while the mom says I need to watch my mouth.  I don't want to lie and say that I absolutely never swear, but I tell her that I don't use swear words and don't approve of it's use from others,” but I do appreciate a well placed word.”  She says “Funny, I'm the opposite,” and I don't know what to make of it.

[Amethyst Star]

*Note:  This dream has helped to quell my fear of death.  The idea that there may be pain before I die is definitely not a pleasant thought, but even though I have never truly had a palpable fear of death, I am ready to go when the time comes.

07-14-2008

I'm in Missoula, but IDR what I'm doing.  I do recall going down Arthur Street away from Pantzer hall, down that main street.  I'm at this curb where I've stood in another dream.

Then I'm with a group of people.  We're inside this somewhat dim room where all of the walls, the floor, and the ceiling are made up of wood.  It's a restaurant or some other form of service place.  I suddenly know that working there are 26 German soldiers and our group was sent there to kill them before they figure out what we're there for.  If any of them were to escape, others would be in danger and they would continue to run to where we could not find them.  We leave the room and head back to this locker room/dormitory (?) in order to sleep and rest up for tomorrow.  Some/most of us are on the ground but there are a few beds, but I don't get one.  I lay there, worried, knowing that during this it is entirely possible that I will die and I have to come to grips with that.  I wonder about the pain of death and whether or not I'm ready to meet my Maker.  It takes me a few times to run it through my head before I decide that I am there to fulfill a mission along with my cohorts and I am not afraid to die.

We get up the next morning and head towards the restaurant.  We are inside and check our two weapons: one is a cylindrical something or other and IDR what the other one was at all.  We also have something(s) in our packs that might be of use should we be disarmed.  We go outside.  The outside is now actually set up like the front table at a Catholic mass, priest and all.  We wonder if they're going to preform a service, but soon the group starts up singing a song in unison, and at the beckoning of a friend, I join in to finish the song.  (It might have been the Star Spangled Banner, IDR.)  As the song ends, we know what we have to do, but I wake up before it happens.

[Amethyst Star]

07-15-2008

I'm headed over to Russia for my mission trip.  I say goodbye and get on the plane and after the plane takes off I kind of wake up in Norway.  I don't remember the flight at all, which I find a tiny bit weird, but was glad as well.  We're in Norway for training and I meet up with a bunch of people.  We're in this 11 story building which I know C was in.  We're having lunch and there's not a whole lot to choose from.  We're not sure the cook understands English.  We talk about something, wondering about what to eat and he brings out something with cheese on It that is very good.  We have a question about some desert and he brings out a puff pastry for us to try.  We all take a break and I go into the kitchen and look around.  I notice that he has a few cookbooks and I recognize Portland's Palate and am excited.  Another man says he loves that book and then the cook comes back and praises it as well.

Then we're in a meeting (the first).   We're all seated in folding chairs and the Americans are mixed in with the other foreigners.  The Americans are asked to sing the Star Spangled Banner, but for some reason I don't sing as well as I normally do.  Then we're going to do something else.  I know it's on the next level up and I bring my sleeping bag and a white down comforter.  I trudge up the stairs a flight and see that everyone is laying down on the little “cabins” (mini) and are having lunch.  Mom is there but she's wanting another blanket and technically needs to give one to C.  I give her the down blanket and go to get comfortable.

Then there's the next meeting on the eleventh floor.  I trudge up there with great difficulty.  We're eating french fries or something and I decide to call RP for some reason.  We talk for a little while and then he talks and keeps on talking and talking and eventually I realize that the internet radio turned on and he's probably waiting for me to say something.

###I bought some petit fores in Norway and brought them back.  I'm going back there, but wanted to give people an idea of what's over there.  There's a guy there who asks me if I could bring home a cake from there, but I tell him I don't think I can.  I then remember that I have a big bag with a good amount of petit fores and he gets very excited and wants some.  I don't want to give all of them to him, so I go over to the cafeteria to pick up a knife in order to serve/cut them.  AE is working there.  She's really busy and when I ask to borrow a knife, she agrees but it's obvious that she'll be stressed out when it's gone.  I'm only getting one, so I don't consider it a very big deal.  I pick one up that's very flat, black, sharp, and all curvy.

*Then, I'm still in that same area on campus; a bunch of us are working in this restaurant as a cover-up so we won't get caught.  R from H's comes in and sits down and wants to order some wine.  He looks at the menu and chooses one of the three bottles, the most expensive $80.83(?, it's about $80).  Before he orders, though, he asks me to describe it.  I say that it's not too light or dark, not too sweet or dry, etc.  I also mention that it's a 1990 wine, but turns out to be a 1938/33 wine.

Then a bunch of kids are trying to transform this game in order to introduce a new rule that will help them to win more often.  It becomes later in the day and I know that some people won't pull it off.  I think it requires some sort of magic, but I don't know.

[AspirationRealized]

*Note:  This dream has helped to quell my fear of death.  The idea that there may be pain before I die is definitely not a pleasant thought, but even though I have never truly had a palpable fear of death, I am ready to go when the time comes.

07-14-2008

I'm in Missoula, but IDR what I'm doing.  I do recall going down Arthur Street away from Pantzer hall, down that main street.  I'm at this curb where I've stood in another dream.

Then I'm with a group of people.  We're inside this somewhat dim room where all of the walls, the floor, and the ceiling are made up of wood.  It's a restaurant or some other form of service place.  I suddenly know that working there are 26 German soldiers and our group was sent there to kill them before they figure out what we're there for.  If any of them were to escape, others would be in danger and they would continue to run to where we could not find them.  We leave the room and head back to this locker room/dormitory (?) in order to sleep and rest up for tomorrow.  Some/most of us are on the ground but there are a few beds, but I don't get one.  I lay there, worried, knowing that during this it is entirely possible that I will die and I have to come to grips with that.  I wonder about the pain of death and whether or not I'm ready to meet my Maker.  It takes me a few times to run it through my head before I decide that I am there to fulfill a mission along with my cohorts and I am not afraid to die.

We get up the next morning and head towards the restaurant.  We are inside and check our two weapons: one is a cylindrical something or other and IDR what the other one was at all.  We also have something(s) in our packs that might be of use should we be disarmed.  We go outside.  The outside is now actually set up like the front table at a Catholic mass, priest and all.  We wonder if they're going to preform a service, but soon the group starts up singing a song in unison, and at the beckoning of a friend, I join in to finish the song.  (It might have been the Star Spangled Banner, IDR.)  As the song ends, we know what we have to do, but I wake up before it happens.

I read how you loft your fear of death, so I sought this dream out specifically.

Very interesting. It is of course subject to random changes like all dreams are (german killing mission to star-spangled banner? I'm sure it made sense at the time ) but that one moment is very special.

Just from my interpretation, you were actually put in the situation where you might die. People talk about the life and death situation they were in years ago and how it changed them forever. All it takes is that one moment where in all seriousness you might not make it. In this case, you faced it in your dream, and while the first idea that comes to mind is that its fake and shouldn't have the same impact as a real situation, I would say the opposite is true. Without our logical mind to protect us, emotions are particularly daunting in non lucid dreams. I've felt emotions that were tenfold the most extreme I had felt in the waking world. I won't put words in your mouth, but I will assume tension and emotions were high for that one moment of the dream.

[Amethyst Star]

I read how you loft your fear of death, so I sought this dream out specifically.

Very interesting. It is of course subject to random changes like all dreams are (german killing mission to star-spangled banner? I'm sure it made sense at the time ) but that one moment is very special.

Just from my interpretation, you were actually put in the situation where you might die. People talk about the life and death situation they were in years ago and how it changed them forever. All it takes is that one moment where in all seriousness you might not make it. In this case, you faced it in your dream, and while the first idea that comes to mind is that its fake and shouldn't have the same impact as a real situation, I would say the opposite is true. Without our logical mind to protect us, emotions are particularly daunting in non lucid dreams. I've felt emotions that were tenfold the most extreme I had felt in the waking world. I won't put words in your mouth, but I will assume tension and emotions were high for that one moment of the dream.

Well, there was quite a measure of nervousness, but all in all, I've had much more emotional dreams.  My dad, especially, always raised us kids to try to not panic and to keep our heads when something arises in life, be that getting caught in a current in the ocean or giving a speech in front of others.  I learned that at a young age and I think that this was just more reinforcement.

At that particular moment, I just knew that sitting there worrying about it wasn't going to get me anywhere.  I had two options, really: not go through with it, or do what I said I would and if I die, I die.  Since death comes in some form or another to all people, there's no point in worrying about it.  I understand concern for what will happen to others when I pass on, but as for myself, there's nothing more I can do when that's done.

Well, gonna go swim in the ocean or fly a kite or something   Thanks for your comments, Aspir

[AspirationRealized]

I'm not certain I could face death the same way. I can act when I'm scared, or when I'm nervous, but just because I act differently doesn't mean the feeling goes away. I can act calmly and be scared out of my mind. Its a good thing to have been taught that... I myself have always felt a certain calm come to myself when others were quick to panic. But by my standards, I haven't met a truly challenging experience (awake or dreaming) yet.

Thanks for your comments, Aspir

A comment is given as thanks for sharing a dream that particularly interests me, to everyone. I appreciate it, but no thanks necessary ^_^

[Amethyst Star]

I watched the Animatrix last night, per a DV question/request from Delphinus, and my dreams weren't totally out of place, but there did seem to be this overlying theme of "This isn't real," because I was in a game or something that wasn't real life.  It didn't make me think that I was dreaming, unfortunately, but I did find it odd that I was aware that what I was doing was not in the real world.

As for the content of the dream, I don't remember all of the details, but I do recall earlier in the dream where a group of people have all been affected by something, making them/us feel united.  Three girls (blonde hair, tall, thin, rational) are at the bottom of this cave which has a staircase winding up and out.  There's another man trying to get what we have or at least discover what it is and he follows us, but after a while a set of (organic?) bars comes down and he is prevented from joining us.


Later on I'm in a game I think I've been in before.  After reading Oneironaut's "Dream Gallery" dream about him being Kratos, I think that partly inspired at least my feelings towards what was going on.  I'm a guy and have to make it past these crates and there's a group with guns trying to stop me.  I disable them (not much detail, actually, it just happens) and end up waiting for some signal.  There's a woman there and for a little while my focus shifts to her.  I'm hoping nothing is going to happen and nothing does.  The dream shifts and I end up at the entrance to a large room.  There's someone in there I have to kill and the real antagonist is standing across the room just watching me, but I know I have to go through the door a few more times to get to the right version of the room.  To test this, I hit someone in the room and they're made of stone as I'd thought.

Even if it's a game I don't want to kill this person I'm supposed to kill.

[Amethyst Star]

I wonder if anyone reads my DJ...

1/14/2009

Well, I remember towards the end of the dream -ish.  My alarm clock first went off at 6:11am as usual and I snoozed until about 6:40, dreaming during hitting the snooze button.

I recall this man is going to marry his girlfriend, but she has an over-protective gangster-type brother.  The brother has a sleazy friend who encourages him to break them up and he goes along with the plan.  I don't recall all the details up to when the wedding was supposed to take place.

The brother decides to do something to the fiance.  I'm in this large open field outside which is up against a line of trees.  The sleezy friend is having the wedding take place in a somewhat run-down little building a little ways into the trees.  We're in a small-ish car and trying to drive up there but there is no clear path through the blackberry bushes which block our path.  At one point, I end up driving up on top of the bushes, which are actually holding the weight of the car - and am wondering how I'm going to get off of them.  I put the car in reverse and I'm actually able to drive off without a problem.  I take another look at how to get to the little wooden building and drive up there.

I walk through the entrance with a few people and it looks pretty run-down inside.  The white board which is supposed to be a coat-rack is missing the pegs which would hold the coats, there's no door, and it just has a feeling of disuse.  Everyone comes inside and doesn't really take note that it's not the ideal wedding location.  I stand behind a couple of long tables upon which people have set dishes of food, potluck style.  I know that the brother set up something  where some people and I are going to be sent back in time.  Eventually things start moving and the inside of the room (where people are standing) starts to spin a bit.  I know we're going to need food while we're stuck in the past so I start grabbing the food off the tables before it disappears (scalloped potatoes, a silver platter of something tasty) and a couple other people follow suit.

When it's all over, I look at the others and see that at least some of them don't know what's just happened.  I explain to them that there was something weird going on the whole time.  I mention the coat rack, the weird location, etc. and eventually yell at one guy who is particular stubborn, "We are stuck in the past!"

Then I wake up.  I was fairly optimistic that things would work out, though. 

[pj]

I wonder if anyone reads my DJ...

Yes, someone reads your DJ.

I was going to comment about the Animatrix, but got distracted and forgot.  Interesting little group of films.  The whole idea of "this is not real" is very much in line with the Dream Yoga theme, isn't it?

Using the film to stimulate lucidity is a novel idea.  I'm going to have to try it.  I've not watched it in some time.

[Raklet]

That was a crazy last dream with the brother trying to send everyone back in time. Did you have a physical sensation of spinning when the room started to move? 

[Luminous]

I wonder if anyone reads my DJ...

I know how you feel. And I feel a bit guilty about not reading that many DJs lately, but my focus has been on the workshop.

Oooh, I absolutely love the Animatrix! Though you didn't get lucid after watching it, do you find yourself getting lucid, or closer to it after watching any of the Matrix movies, or anything else Matrix related the day before?

[Amethyst Star]

Thanks for posting, guys   It's not necessary to hear replies, but I do enjoy it.

I'm thinking about watching it again to see if it solidifies the idea.  I think it did get me to think about what is real a bit more, considering it's such a big topic with the Matrix films in general.  I didn't ask whether or not I was dreaming, but it was interesting having a sort of sub-conscious notion that what was happening wasn't happening, or at least could be changed without much difficulty.

I had the same experience last night, to a degree.  It was just an overall feeling that what was going on wasn't really happening, or at least I could exert control over it if it started to go in a direction I didn't want.

As far as "being sent back in time" I didn't feel any particular sensation; it was all visual.  I was up against the wall on the far side of the room (away from the door), and everything just beyond the tables just spun and blurred together.   The food that we didn't pull off of the tables just disappeared after a while.  I forgot to mention, actually, that once everything stopped, there were these flecks of color (blue and something else?) on the white tables, and I figured those were pieces left over from the dishes which fell off as we pulled them from the time stream.  Interesting stuff!

Something I've found interesting lately - I've noticed it the last couple months in particular - is it's not uncommon during my dreams to have a feeling that I've done this before.  I may not have ever had that dream or experienced, but it's like a reverse deja vu and I think I did.  In those cases, I usually exert some control over what's going on, especially if it's going in a direction that I don't like.  That might be the reason I haven't had any nightmares for a long time or any real anxiety dreams for a while.  Anyone else get that feeling?

[Amethyst Star]

Level of vividness: 6/10 (just a little less than the last couple of nights)

1/15/2009

I don't recall a whole lot (and I wrote it down in my journal that I don't have with me... update later), but I do recall being at this house or building at the top of the hill where the ESD is.  I recall closing the main door just as some people were approaching (Mormons?).  After a while I leave the place and head down the hill a little ways.  There's a row of apartments off to the right just a few feet down and that's where I was going to share a rather large apartment with two other girls.  I'm inside, walking around.  It's somewhat dark and there walls are brown and there's a general brown-overlay to the dream.  It's like a 1970s/80s house with fake wood paneling and it's very open and spacious.

I'm back outside and heading down the hill a bit more.  There is another large building in front of me and I walk up towards the door.  A man is leaning out of one of the three windows to the left of the door and is playing with water.  He sprinkles me with a little water and I don't mind it too much (he's just being playful), but then he dumps a bucket of water over me and I'm not very happy.  I go through the door, turn left, and see a black man sitting in front of the window, smiling up at me playfully.  I ask him why he did that and I don't recall getting a sufficient answer.  There's at least one other person now sitting in a chair a few feet behind him and he says something.  I look back and the black man is gone and we are aware that something miraculous happened (the man was an angel who disappeared?).

Still wondering what happened, I walk away.  A little ways into the building I see that a crew is doing some construction(?) or something in the building.  There are a few large white(?) shelves with books or movies on them.  There's a section with playstation games that belong to a friend of mine, but most of them are horror/suspense and I don't particularly feel like selecting those.  They belong to a friend of mine who is standing nearby with another of our friends.  He asks me or tells me something.

[Emerald Wolf]

Hey Ame! long time no see. I'll definatly be reading your DJ if you have any dreams to share.

So a question: do you also have trouble remembering conversations that take place in your dreams?

[Amethyst Star]

So a question: do you also have trouble remembering conversations that take place in your dreams?

It's good to hear from you Wolf   It has been a little while.

Usually I don't remember what's been said in dreams.  Occasionally I'll remember a sentence, maybe two, but if I do talk to DCs - and I have no idea how often that is, really - I hardly ever recall what was said.  Sometimes I might recall the general gist, but not the words.