Lyra's Dream Journal

[Caradon]

Nice, congrats! Funny how that ended up...

[Lucid Lyra]

UPDATE:
I've been really struggling to record dreams lately - eh ... crazy life stuff. It sucks because my recall has actually been pretty good, I just haven't been recording much. 

I'm going to fight my inner perfectionist and simplify the format for how I record dreams here, just to make things a little more manageable. As much as I love analyzing my dreams, I think I'll do that offline and only when I have the time.

Anyway, here's a couple of my most meaningful semi-recent dreams:

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19-May-2021

K and I were talking on a phone like device, that resembled a watch
(kind of like a smart watch). I didn't realize the whole time, but at
some point I noticed that I was able to see where he were going in the
screen ... I saw him walking through a bookstore or library, and then
ordering coffee. I wondered if he was able to see where I had been
without my knowing, wondering if I went anywhere or did anything
embarrassing. I had this sense that maybe i/he could always see,
regardless of whether we were actually talking or intending to be
connected.

27-May-2021

A had something to tell me and he was planning to, but then when it came
time, he said V asked him to keep it secret, so he could no longer
say. This was unsettling to me.

In another dream or scene, A and I were in a car and I think I was going to be living somewhere
else. He seemed oddly ok with that until I mentioned that I'd be moving
"far away". Then, he started to cry, and listed off names of people who I "must" be
going to live with with. And that was even more upsetting, because I
knew I was going alone. I was confused as to why he was ok with me
leaving, as long as it wasn't far away.

[analyst]

I'm gonna independently express myself too now!
   
You're inspired me with that last dream!

[Lucid Lyra]

01-Jun-2021
Moving Day

I am observing my SIL (S) in the living room - she's dressed up and seemingly ready to go somewhere, even though she and my brother just came home after a couple days of being away. They never told me where they were going or how long they would be.

S is speaking, but I can't make out what she's saying (partly because she's soft-spoken, but I also have the sense that I'm having trouble hearing for some other reason). I ask her to repeat herself - again, and then again. I get a little more information each time, but never the whole thing.

From what I can make out, she and my brother are moving out of my and A's home to live in Belgium.

I feel suddenly feel a lot of emotions intensely - unease over the suddenness of this decision; anxiety, wondering whether they perceived A or I to have done something offensive; confusion as to why they would move to Belgium specifically; relief at the idea of having our house to ourselves again; sadness over the fact that M will no longer have her aunt S and uncle J to interact/play with anymore; disappointment that their move-out day wasn't as I imagined (A and I being included in the process, making it a family affair, moving to somewhere semi-close so that we could still visit, etc.)

I'm worried that S is secretly mad, but she doesn't seem to be.

[Caradon]

I get that sometimes too, having difficulty hearing or understanding what a dream character is saying. A lot of times it's during WILD's or HI dreams. But sometimes in regular dreams too.

Sounds like a crazy mix of emotions in that dream. Knowing how emotions become amplified that must have been an experience having so many at once.

[Lucid Lyra]

Yeah, inability to hear/understand or see clearly are all common themes for me, usually during regular dreams. It can be quite frustrating!

Yes, quite an emotional experience. It felt so real, too, because I do tend to foresee the real life (potential) situation that the dream is reflecting going this way (minus the Belgium part lol ... not sure where that bit came from). I am trying to think more positively, though, so that my fears aren't having any kind of an influence.

[Lucid Lyra]

9-Jun-2021   
Comments: LUCID, but M woke me up to nurse before I was able to do anything ... 

The Floating Blue-Green Puddle

I'm focusing on this mystical green/blue puddle that is free floating in an otherwise blank space.
I want to manipulate it, and then it occurs to me that I actually - could - since I'm not fully awake.

(And, that's when I was interrupted.)

[analyst]

Comments: LUCID, but M woke me up to nurse before I was able to do anything ... 

Argh!

[Lucid Lyra]

Been on a bit of a necessary HIATUS ... but I'm baaaack!

I might copypasta some of the most meaningful dreams from my dream log ... or, I might just leave those bee and start fresh. We'll see! 

[Caradon]

Welcome back! 

[Lucid Lyra]

18Sep2021

Vague memory of a dream that very much reflects real life circumstances. I'm actually a little unclear on whether all of it was truly a dream. Perhaps I was just reflecting on the day and it eventually morphed into a dream? I can't be sure.

Background: I tend to sacrifice my own needs for the sake of others, which can eventually lead to anger and resentment. Lately, I've  been trying to be more honest about my needs. In doing so, I've noticed that I tend to expect a negative response from the recipient and am surprised when I don't receive that kind of reaction.

The dream seemed to be a sort of replay of a real life event that occurred the day before, but with a new ending:


Dream -

I confronted my partner about taking too long on his game. I expressed that by doing so, he cut into my free time, which would force us to choose to sacrifice either my alone time (when he watches baby M) or our couple time (when baby M naps). I expressed exhaustion over sacrificing my alone time for the sake of couple time ... that I would ideally like both "me time" and "couple time", but if he's going to keep cutting into the time slot, that I refuse to keep giving up "me time".

My partner was extremely understanding and apologetic. He offered to start his night-time gaming activities later, to make up for it. I didn't expect this.

Rather than feel good about his positive response, my brain instantly shifted to guilt. I expressed not wanting to be perceived as the "bitchy wife". I worried that his gaming partner would think of me that way. My partner insisted that no one thinks of me that way, and that I was well within reason to express what I did.

The "new ending" involved a conversation with A's (my partner) gaming partner, in which she confirmed that she did not see me in a negative way, and that she was glad I expressed my own needs.

I feel suspicious. Is she telling me only what I want to hear? I am also annoyed at A for exposing me ... I didn't necessarily want his gaming partner to know about my internal struggle.

I'm stuck between "knowing" that I should feel good for having expressed a reasonable concern and need, but "feeling" the  guilt/fear associated with the discomfort of changing my usual, familiar (yet, also unhealthy) pattern.

[Caradon]

Family issue dreams are annoying. I've had my share of those lately, usually turning to angry dreams. Different sort of family issues though.

I've been trying to watch a little Netflix here and there lately (since recall has been pretty good) to help influence and put my mind in a different place for more fun dreams than family and work related stuff. Seems to have some helped as I've had some pretty bizarre and fantastical ones. Annoying when I go to sleep looking forward to dreaming and it's mostly work crap all night. lol. I don't mind if I end up lucid in a work dream, however, there are so many dreamsigns in my work dreams to catch if I can. I did manage recognizing and getting lucid from one recently at least when I realized taking a smoke break was a major dreamsign and remembered to RC. Since I neither ever take breaks unless I'm made to which is rare, or smoke.