Caradon's Dream Journal

[Caradon]

 Caradon's Dream Journal

 

[Caradon]

6/27/19

Had some vivid recall last week but this week has been pretty  crappy so far. last night was one of those nights where you have stuff right on the edge of memory, can't quite bring back. Maybe something will come back later.

Tonight is Friday night, I don't often get much sleep on Friday nights because I work the night shift, and then the morning shift on Saturday and Sundays.

I'm in the process of decaffeinating. I've gotten too addicted to the stuff over the winter. And for aside for a couple of people o this forum I knew who used caffeine for WILDing. I've never felt like caffeine was good for lucid dreaming practicing. And to be  honest I'm getting sick of being addicted to it. But few things in the waking world making me feel good. And coffee in the morning does, and was giving me a reason to want to wake up in the morning. But it's been getting to be too much. And I need to get back to who I was, before the world starting going to shit on me.


I lost my link to the private forum when the computer I was using died. I couldn't figure out how to get back to it. And I was already in a bad place mentally at the time and getting sick of writing all the time so when my computer died I just said fuck it and let things go.

Looking at my PM's. It's hard to believe it's already been five years since the shit hit the fan and killed this forum. But at least it's still here.    

[Caradon]

6/28/19


Slept about four hours. Probably should have gotten to sleep a little earlier when I got home instead of browsing the forums.


But I did recall a work fragment where I was a work and talking to the boss about something work related.


I hsould note that I have a different job than I use to. The company I use to work for for 18 years went out of business. BUt that tunred out to be  agood thing since I like the place I'm t now a lot better. PLus making a little more money and getting more hours. I've been at the new job  just over three years. I've not yet fully taken advantage of the fact that I can sleep in more. Since three nights of the week I work the night shift and can sleep in as long as I want.

 But it's summer, and unfortunately probably my dogs last summer as the vets didn't think she would even last through the winter but she is still here and I'm trying to give her the best summer ever. Because her favorite thing is going for rides on my bike. So I'm taking her out every chance I can get. So when it's warm enough for her to be on the bike early in the mornings I'm going to be getting up early to taking her biking before work. I just got done having two week off work to spend with her.We were out adventuring all day almost every day of those two weeks. 

But I'm still in denial because evvery day that she still seems okay makes it seem less and less real. And I still don't know how I'm going to handle it when she is gone. She cme into my life and formed a bond with me like none otherr that I will ever have in this life. And I can't comprehend the idea of her not being here anymore. but I'm just lucky she is still here. She tunred 17 years old this March. So very fortunate really.

When I get time I thinking I'm going to go through the journals and start bumping up all the old journals of my old frineds here as a means of pushing  back the spam zombies of the forum apocalypse. And to make the front page of the journals look better.

[Caradon]

Saturday/June/29/2019

Had some very vivid recall of a horrible dream of seeing my dog fall off a mountain cliff to her death. I wrote it out in detail. But then just as I hit post I remembered that I forgot to copy the post and it was too late. The forum went down for a little bit right then and I lost the post.

But that's alright, the important thing is that I  wrote it out. And now out of time and have to get ready for work.

[Caradon]

Sunday/June/30/2019

My nap which as always I'm still counting as the previous nights dreams.

Bug

I find a bug crawling on me. It look like a wood tick. I'm trying to make sure I kill it before it can bite anyone and give someone a fucked up disease. I drop it for a second and lose it. But then I find it again and carry it into the bathroom. I crush it with my fingernail and throw it in the toilet.

Note: trying to remember to reality check at the site of bugs, especially when they are in the house or crawling on me. Because I've been seeing them in my dreams a lot lately.

Homless guy

Very vivid. I'm in the back yard with the dog. I'm off to the side of the house.It feels as if I had just woken up and crawled out of my tent. There is a homeless guy standing there hwo is actually one of my step dads friends. he is about to take a piss on the side of the house. I tell him no. he look sat me and zips it back up and walks to the back yard.

I also walk to the back yard, going towards where my back door is. The homeless guy walks down to wear the treeline is and starts pissing down there by the trees. I realize I forgot to get my dog. She is still over by the side of the house. So I walk back over there. As I do I notice the homeless guy examining some shrubs down bye the trees that has blue flowers on it.  I walk aroud he side of the house the dog is there. She runs twards me.  I scoop her up in my arms wondering how I could have forgetten about her. 

With the dog in arms I walk back towards the back door The homeless guy now over by the door and smoking. I feel like I have an alcohol buzz at this point. And I have a memory that I had been drinking. (Which I have not been in reality.) I want one of his cigaretts. And I wonder if I really want to start smoking again. I decide I don't give a fuck, it's a good time to have a smoke with an alcohol buzz on.

But I notice a really big black dog the guy has with him now. And the way it's looking at me I'm worried ithe big dog might be hostile and want to attack the small dog in my arms. So I want to get her into the house before that can happen. The the homeless guy asks me about phone numbers that are supposedly in a black notebook in my house that he wants me to get for him. Apparently there is someone he needs to call on the notebook.


I try to push the door open, but someone is standing behind it. The person comes from around the door, on the insid eof the house. It's an old friend of mine. I didn't know he was even here. I suddenly notice he is all messed up. Like he has had a really bad stroke or something. "What happened!?" I ask. Barely able to speak it  sounds like he says something about being handicapped. He sits down in a wheelchair that has suddenly appeared.  I feel so terrible for what happened to him, I'm practically in tears. He raises his hand for a fist pump, in acknowledgment and apreciation for my concern. I give him the friendly punch on the fist and wake. 

[Oneironautical1]

The last dream about smoking and the black dog and your handicapped friend was interesting.  Did the old friend take a destructive path in life after parting ways? 

I also felt like the possibly hostile black dog is metaphor for picking up a bad habit again like smoking.

[Caradon]

The last dream about smoking and the black dog and your handicapped friend was interesting.  Did the old friend take a destructive path in life after parting ways? 

I also felt like the possibly hostile black dog is metaphor for picking up a bad habit again like smoking.

I did end up taking up smoking again after some bad times since I've been gone. I had previously quit for fifteen years. But I only started up again for a few months, one summer. I quit before winter came, well for a lot of reasons. The cost for one thing. No way I can afford to be a regular smoker nowadays at ten bucks a pack. May as well be flushing money down the toilet.  And the cold season coming I didn't want to be even worse when I got sick because of the smoking. And just don't want to have to be going outside all the time to smoke as I'm not ever going to do it in the house. Not going to lie though, I did enjoy it.

The old friend actually seemed pretty good the last time I saw him. But it was a long time ago in the 90's. Him and I lived in Minnesota but I had moved out to Colorado Springs. He came to visit me in Colorado. And Metallica happened to be playing in Denver. He hung out with me at my apartment all day, then left to go see Metallica in Denver. That's the last time I ever talked to him. So who knows. I'm 48, and he was is a few years older than me. Anything could have happened in that time. The dream made me wonder though that would be freaking if he did become crippled because of a stroke and I just dreamed it. I hope that didn't happen. That's scary stuff.  I rather it killed me than live like that.   

[Oneironautical1]

I did end up taking up smoking again after some bad times since I've been gone. I had previously quit for fifteen years. But I only started up again for a few months, one summer. I quit before winter came, well for a lot of reasons. The cost for one thing. No way I can afford to be a regular smoker nowadays at ten bucks a pack. May as well be flushing money down the toilet.  And the cold season coming I didn't want to be even worse when I got sick because of the smoking. And just don't want to have to be going outside all the time to smoke as I'm not ever going to do it in the house. Not going to lie though, I did enjoy it.

The old friend actually seemed pretty good the last time I saw him. But it was a long time ago in the 90's. Him and I lived in Minnesota but I had moved out to Colorado Springs. He came to visit me in Colorado. And Metallica happened to be playing in Denver. He hung out with me at my apartment all day, then left to go see Metallica in Denver. That's the last time I ever talked to him. So who knows. I'm 48, and he was is a few years older than me. Anything could have happened in that time. The dream made me wonder though that would be freaking if he did become crippled because of a stroke and I just dreamed it. I hope that didn't happen. That's scary stuff.  I rather it killed me than live like that.

Ah, feel ya.  The thing about an old friend coming back hobbled in a dream made me think about how you two parted ways.  Like maybe you had seen him heading in a bad direction. Then his dream appearance with the smoking and ominous dog were a sort of warning.

I tend to psycho analyze from my computer chair .  I miss having others to bounce these things off of though.  Keep em' comin' homey.

[Caradon]

Ah, feel ya.  The thing about an old friend coming back hobbled in a dream made me think about how you two parted ways.  Like maybe you had seen him heading in a bad direction. Then his dream appearance with the smoking and ominous dog were a sort of warning.

I tend to psycho analyze from my computer chair .  I miss having others to bounce these things off of though.  Keep em' comin' homey.

I don't interpret much unless it's very obvious. Like the one with my dog falling to her death that I lost the post on the other night. I've always been paranoid about something bad happening to her. I've had many an awful nightmare where she has been killed in some way. Nightmares don't bother me at all when it's me in danger. No matter how terrified I get I enjoy the intensity in some strange way.
But a dream like watching my dog falling off a vertical  mountain cliff thousands of feet high. I never been so happy to wake up and find out she was still safely laying right next to me.  Well I have been that happy to wake up in dreams about her that were equally as awful.


Yeah I hope to keep Journaling as long as my wrists can handle it but I'm not sure. I need my wrists to work and I get bad carpal tunnel. But I'm going to try. Maybe not post everything if I get a lot, just the ones that stand out the most in my mind. 


Edit:Though one of my goals is to continue my in dream thought control experiments and observe the influence on the dream that my thoughts and feelings have. And try to better understand my symbolisms. Maybe I can better learn to consciously direct my thoughts to influence the dream environment if I understand what thoughts and feelings are doing what.

[Caradon]

More Zombie spam! Going to need to bounce it out. WTF is a sexologist anyways. Sounds like a prostitute.


Monday/July/1/2019

Only slept about four hours then was forced to get up because of my caffeine addiction. That's one of the reasons I wnat to get off it. I guess it's okay for doing WBTB's And I'm getting old enough that I can still fall back ot sleep now after an hour or two of being awake. BUt I'm not sure if I'm going to because I wnat to take the dog biking if it's not raining which it's not supposed to be. BUt it was still sprinkling when I woke up at 6:00am And the sky is still dark, but the forecast says it's supposed ot be a sunny day.


I guess it's still happenening. Here we go with the animal attack dreams... 

Lizard Attack

I'm walking along the narrow bank of a wide river. The water of the river is dark and mucky looking. The river is passing through a foest so behond the bank is all thick greenery.I come to a spot where the forest is intrudnig upon the bank maaking it difficult to continue. The are many fallen branches laying on the bank, and partially submerged in the water. I decide to turn around and make my way back.

Suddenly I hear the "Boom Boom Boom" of giant footsteps and I realize that there is some kind of dinosaur coming for me. I jump into the river and swim as far out to the middle of it as I can, and begin to get washed down stream. On the river bank I see a giant dinosaur sized lizard appear. Definitely had me in mind for it's next meal. The lizard looks like a Komodo dragon only the size of a dinosaour and could easily eat a full grown human.  The lazard watches me being washed down river while flicking it's forked tongue at me. Luckily it did not come into the water after me. I wasn't even sure if was going to be able to swim or not. I was hoping not.


Next the I remmeber is that I'm in town and out of the river. I'm walking down the sidewalk and there is a female cop on a fourwheeler just sitting there stationary in the middle of the sidewalk, like she is just observing the goings on in the surrounding area. I tell her about my encounter  the giant lizardand that I'm glad to be back in town, feeling safe here from such an attack. "Oh Man!" She exclaims.


I make my way past here. I have to walk around into the grass inn order to get around her sitting on the four wheeler. I walk along until I get to this conrner store. And I have the idea i mind to smoke again. I go into the store with the intent to purchase some cigarettes. I see someone I recognize. An older man in a dark hood, hood pulled up. I seem to know who he is even with the hood pulled up. It's not someone I know in waking life.  But in the dream I have a memory of knowing him. He looks at me for a moment ith recognition then turns away. I say hello to him and continue on my way. I have the feeeling he isn't in the mood for being recognized and chaatted up so I leave him be. That is the last thing I remember before waking.

If I do take a nap I'll edit in any recall later.   

[Caradon]

Not as  much recall  as I had hoped. I had planned to get up around  6:00am for an hour or two and then go back to  sleep for a nother couple of hours. But I over slept until abouut 7:30am.  I knew whenn I  woke up a lttle after 4:00am I should have just gotten up then,  had a feeling if I went back to sleep I was gong to miss  the 6:00am mark. I miight still find time to sleeep for an hour or so before I have to go to work I'm  not sure.

I only recalled a couple of short bits trying to see if something else will come back to me. As I sit out on much porch listening to the morning song birds.

Tuesday/July/2/2019


Shark!

There is an overpass bridge with a staircase descending to a small island on a body of water. I think it's a wide river. For some reason I start to go down into the water and swim. Immediately I see a shark swimming around and coming towards me and I realize swimming here is out of the question. I climb back up onto the little rocky island. The shark actually come up out of the water after me, trying to bite at me as I retreat. I'm scooting backwards on my butt kicking at it's face until  I manage to kick the shark back into the water.

For the rest of the dream I'm trying to figure out how to get off this Island with the shark circling and wanting to have me for lunch. Apparently climbing back up the staircase and using the overpass was no longer an option either but I don't remember why. I think  maybe the dream changed a little and the overpass was no longer there.

(It was freaky when I turned on my computer to post about the shark dream. Picture of a huge great white looking shark teeth bared on popped up on my screen. Freaked me out. lol.)

Tractors

I'm in my yard and there is some weird difficult to describe stuff about moving some equipment around in my yard. I don't know why.

But I somehow managed to cause the equipment to dig a deep hole in the yard. As I type this a little more about it comes back to me. The deep hole in the ground had a narrow ridge along the inside of it. And for some reason I though the narrow ridge would be good to stand on. (A part of another dream just tried coming back to me as I type as well but slipped away. So I guess it's a good idea this journaling again.)


Next thing a remember is walking along a street and seeing this tractor sale. It's very vivid. The tractors are large. Look like backhoe's nly inside the digging bucket and a like a wheel for grinding or cutting. So not only is it scooping it's cutting through whatever it needs to. There are people sitting in chairs listening to a salesman as the salesman makes a sales pitch about these tractors, trying to make a sale. I really want one of these things though I know it's pretty unrealistic. I walk onto the display and get a closer look at them all. The smallest one of them is more than sufficient  to meet my needs. Which is still quite large and powerful. Some of them were very big.  I look at the sale price on the smaller one. And it  says it's only $1,800.00  I  don't really want to spend money right now(trying not to spend anything more than absolutely necessary . But I'm thinking that I  could manage  it if I really want to. Just having paid off my credit card I still have a little stashed away that could cover it, or I could just pull  out the credit  card again. But  I don't think I'm really going to. And I wake.


(Other dreams keep trying to come back to me.  I keep thinking I was in some place. But now a little came back. There was something about watching TV. I remember I was watching something weird on the TV and there was someone there with me. Going to keep digging see if  I can get it to come back more fully.

[Wędajihs]

I think it's a good sign when your dreams are trying to resurface, as frustrating as it is to have them just out of grasp.

[Caradon]

I think it's a good sign when your dreams are trying to resurface, as frustrating as it is to have them just out of grasp.

I agree. It's way better than no recall at all,  and a lot  of times if you keep trying you can bring them back. A lot of my recall lately has been delayed. I wake up feeling it, but not really remembering it. Then focusing on the feeling of it and digging, suddenly the dream comes flooding back and it's like whoa... Last night was the same, took  me a few moments to get something back. But then a flood of recall of being lost in a difficult to describe, but beautiful  place. Similar to your corridor dream.


I'm getting  out of my bad habit of turning on Netflix first thing when I wake up and getting my caffeine buzz and watching Netflix. Instead just sitting quietly, awareness meditation and going over my dreams in my mind. I think turning on Netflix right way pulls my focus outward too much, too quickly.  But sitting quietly, thinking about the dreams, enjoying them, and the feeling of them without the distraction of the show on. Is much better for recall.

[Caradon]

Wednesday/July/3/2019

I slept four hours, waking up just a little before sunrise and totally planning maybe a two hour  WBTB. Watching the sunrise and listening to the birds waking. But it's such a beautiful perfect morning. 70 degrees out right now, I'm going to take the dog biking instead of going back to sleep. So just going to go over this one quickly.

Mansion Of Corridors.

Difficult to describe this place in detail, but it was beautiful even if frustrating. It was like a mansion with beautiful woodwork and staircases of red carpeting. But also some type of place of business where many things were going on, almost like a mall maybe.  And many people and security, I even remember a movie theater going on and found an arcade with a kid playing some odd style of pinball game that wasn't really pinball at all.

It was frustrating, because I got totally lost in this place. It started with me overlooking this huge open area, and going down a hall looking for a door that would open into this area that  I wanted to go into. But everything got weird so that a door and a hall that you would think would lead to a certain spot did not. And before I knew it I could not find my way back to the spot where I started. It was a never ending mansion of beautiful corridors and winding staircases, balconies, and great cathedral like rooms. And so many people and different things going on there. And I was completely lost. And I got into a lot of weird events along the way, including getting chased by some people that were out to kill me. But I lost them in the maze of things.

[Wędajihs]

Your corridors sound much nicer than mine were, until people started trying to kill you.